I Like a Challenge

Fail. Such a fail.

2010-07-16T20:38:00.003+01:00

Wow. I really haven't posted here in ages! Despite having said I was going to try and keep it up after I finished the whole 100 days thing. Oops. Still, I'm not really here now either - I just thought I should do something on my account so that it doesn't get shut down since I've realised that I wrote 100 poems on here and didn't keep a record of them anywhere else. I suppose I should copy them all, just to prove I can do something...

And that, my friends, is what I call a challenge!

ONE HUNDRED!

2010-03-10T16:42:00.004Z

I've actually done ninety-nine.

If I make one up now it's all fine.

Then it's all above board.

It's one hundred I've scored.

After this I can draw one big line.

Sorry, When I did that video I spent two days on one limerick. I couldn't finish 100 days with only 99 things to show for it!

I cannot believe I actually made it to the end of this. Not for any particularly great reason apart from the fact that I usually don't. I'm the kind of person who'll say things on a whim ("sure, I can write a limerick every day!" being one very relevant example) and then very quickly either forget, or make up some excuse to myself about why it was a stupid idea in the first place so it's fine for me to quit.

I don't know exactly why I kept this up when I've let so much fall by the wayside in the past but I'm really glad I did. It's been great for me to say "here's something I think I can do quite well" and not feel like an idiot in actually putting myself out there and doing it. Or, perhaps more correctly, ignoring the bit at the back of my head that's almost constantly telling me that I am, in fact, an idiot and carrying on regardless.

I have no idea why I chose to write limericks in the first place. I suppose because they were always my 'party trick' so to speak, In that a) I can rhyme things quite easily and b) I don't go to many interesting parties... But I think I also like them for the very fact that they're stupid. I've had some frankly terrible days since I started this challenge but coming home and putting my energy into trying to come up with something really silly has turned out to be surprisingly helpful. I know that you're not supposed to avoid problems, but maybe there should be a proviso where limericks are concerned.

Something else I'll be taking away from this is the fact that actually, people are quite nice. Perhaps that shouldn't have been a revelation to me but, mostly through twitter and Facebook, I've come across all kinds of people with very nice things to say - be they other hundred day-ers with support and ideas, people who enjoy limericks and have written me messages to say they like what I'm doing, people with no relation to the 100 days thing or limericks who've still been very nice, and even my friends (who, even though they're my friends don't often get to see anything even remotely creative that I've come up with because I just assume they won't be interested - sorry people!). Over the course of this, I've been amazed at how willing people are to help you along the way.

I've also had my eyes opened to the kinds of things there are out there to try! The idea of doing one thing a day has proved to me that anything can be a work of art if you keep it up. Maybe building one Lego car wouldn't be seen as too creative, but 100 models? Amazing. Similarly the Twitter plays, the lists, the poems, the different photos, the artwork, the writing... I'm just using umbrella terms because I don't want to miss anyone out. I think we've all shown that anything can be a bit special if we put our minds to it.

I definitely think I've come out of this a better person. I mean, I'm a bit more confident in my own abilities and I can rhyme off the top of my head. What other skills could I possibly need to make my way in the world? (Maybe I'll be a rapper next!)

I can't honestly say I'm going to keep up the limericks. I sort of hate them a little bit now. But I think I am going to keep up this blog. Well, I'm going to try anyway. It seems a shame to consign all this work to the depths of cyber space. I have a massive pile of Uni work to take me through 'til may, but after that I'm not sure. I've already come up with a rough idea for a little film I want to make - a silly idea, naturally - and after that, I have no idea. But I'm hoping everyone's going to keep in touch?

If I didn't get your project in the limerick, well, I only have five lines! And it might not have been very rhyme-y. But I can practically guarantee that at some point I've looked at it and though "that person is brilliant". You all are.

Photos, lost gloves and great twitter plays,

Lots of poems, Lego, changing ways.

Facebook culling, and art

Plagiarism and 'starts'.

Well people, That's 100 days!

(I feel the above blog post should be read with, say, Don't Stop Believing or similar in the Background. Glee versions preferably. I'd hate to leave you lot after 100 days with you all still under the impression that I have good taste!)

Ninety Nine

2010-03-09T11:55:00.005Z

This is the penultimate day! How did that happen?

Anyway, I thought, since tomorrow's limerick will probably end up being something about it being the last one, I'd do something a bit different for the ninety-ninth instead. Therefore, I sat up for half the night cutting letters out of old newspapers. As you do.

I realise that might not be readable. I couldn't read it once my eyes had gone all blurry (who knew it'd end up being true?). So what it says is:

For kidnappers - also some spies -

There's a problem you don't realise.

The notes that they leave

Offer them no reprieve.

Cutting letters out gives them cross eyes.

A lesson for us all...

Ninety Eight

2010-03-08T17:57:00.002Z

My blog stopped working properly a couple of days ago. Within sight of the finish line of this whole thing. To be fair, whatever it was I have to give it full marks for timing - that was very impressive.

I think I've fixed it now. However, if I haven't, this limerick probably sounds pretty cocky for no good reason. I think it's OK to be cocky if I've actually won...

I won't be let down at the last,

By some malware-y thing that trespassed

On my final three days,

What a cheek! I'm amazed

That it thinks I can be thus outclassed.

Ninety Seven

2010-03-07T21:44:00.002Z

I get quite excited by TV shows sometimes. Today is an exciting day.

I'm glad the last two months is done -

They've not been tremendously fun,

But now from the dark,

I emerge - what a lark!

House MD is back on Sky One!

Ninety Six

2010-03-06T23:35:00.003Z

I can't remember which day it was (but I think it must have been about two months. Or so. Less than 96 days ago anyway...), but quite early on in this I did a post about shopping. I spent a long time shopping today and I still hate it.

This one's fairly rubbish, but it's late. As ever...

Shopping at least two months on,

Has got no more fun as time's gone.

In fact, I would say

It's got worse in a way

Because everyone's now a moron.

Ninety Five

2010-03-05T10:36:00.003Z

Hmmm... A new twist on a limerick is a bit tricky. Essentially it's only words (If your mind just went to a Boyzone song there like mine did we are clearly kindred spirits and will rule the world one day...) and if you mess around with it too much it won't be a limerick because of the rhymes and stuff.

Never mind! I'm getting a bit sick of limericks anyway, so new twists here we come!

Tehy rcoekn taht plepoe can raed
At an amlsot qtiue uusal seped
Wehn the ltteers aern’t rhgit.
It’s a pterty odd shigt,
But I tnihk it mghit wrok… We argeed?

.

Ninety Four

2010-03-04T19:49:00.002Z

From now on the word "scrunch" can be taken to mean rush, or "pinch" in that, "in a pinch" kind of way. Because I say so.

Oh, and there was someone sitting next to me on a train eating a Cornish pasty at around 9:00 this morning.

A Cornish pasty is only for lunch.

Or for dinner if you're in a scrunch.

But in the morning the smell

Could equate to hell,

And I might have to give you a punch.

Ninety Three

2010-03-04T19:42:00.002Z

I've been watching the #100days hashtag on twitter today trying to come up with something to write about. Thre's some kind of holiday prize thingy about Cape Town using the same tag and I actually just ended up staring out of thw window imagining I was in Cape Town. As usual hough, doing nothing to actually get me to Cape Town...

Also, I wasn't eating fries. I reckon I will be soon though since I put the idea in my own head. Damn rhymes.

I'd like to win a Cape Town prize,

But sadly, I think I've surmized,

That you enter to win,

And while it would make me grin...

...I'll just sit on my bum eating fries.

Ninety Two

2010-03-02T15:37:00.003Z

It's sunny today. That's probably pretty glaringly obvious (boom boom) but I've been sitting inside all day, and it's even making THAT more bearable. Plus, unless you want a limerick about the work I'm doing (trust me, you don't) I'm afraid the weather is basically my only choice.

There's a bright, burny thing in the sky,

And I know I should remember why.

But it's been ages since,

We saw its last glints

But it doesn't half make long days fly!

Ninety One

2010-03-01T14:07:00.004Z

Having nearly finished an English and Drama degree, I haven't read anything for three years. That sounds fairly unlikely, I'll admit, and it's also untrue. But that's what it feels like. I've been reading two or three books a week for more or less the entire duration of my time at Uni and I can't remember the last time I got to choose what those books were. And if, by some miracle, I've finished my reading well in advance I will immediately put the TV on. Or go on youtube. Or watch a DVD. Basically, anything passive (because sometimes turning pages and moving your eyes can feel too much like hard work).

I've been thinking a lot about what will happen when I'm finished recently, mainly because I dont actually know what will happen. But the thing I'm dead set on is that the day I hand in my last prject, I will get off the bus outside the library, go straight in and pick up the most obviously 'chick-lit' book I can find, go over the road to the shop and buy a lot of chocolate, go home, and remind myself what it feels like to read something a bit vapid and enjoy it.

It's not that I dislike Uni, it's just that I daydream about reading something that I've chosen, and especially something a little bit shallow.

In other news, I've never used the word 'man' at the end of a sentence in 'surfer-dude' style before.

When this 'degree' thing is finally done,
I will read crappy books - at least one.
Just because I can,
And you can't stop me, man.
And that's when I'll know that I've won.

.

Ninety

2010-02-27T23:57:00.001Z

90% of the way through! 90% of the way through and I finally manage to write this early on in the day rather than last minute. That right there is progress. It's mainly because I have to spend all of day 90 writing songs for my Famous Five spoof musical (it's a final assessment thing for uni - It's nowhere near as good as I'd like to think it sounds.)

I have to admit I'm not going to miss limericks. I arbitrarily chose them at the start of this as something I can do quite easily, and I don't think I saw myself properly seeing this through to the end. Anyway, nine tenths of the way through, I feel like it's time for rebellion. I'm sticking it to the (limerick loving) man. Take that, why don't you?

I've been doing this for 90 days,
And it's gone in a bit of haze.
I don't really know
Why I don't just go
A little bit rebellious and fit as many words/syllables into the last line as I possibly can AND not make it rhyme! Ha! Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

.

Eighty Nine

2010-02-27T11:35:00.002Z

I'm not in the habit of eating rodents. I promise.

A hamster would really be nice.
With some chips, potatoes or some rice.
Now I know they're not food,
But they (not being rude),
Taste a hundred times better than mice.

.

Eighty Eight

2010-02-26T10:37:00.000Z

It's a bit windy today. It's also worth mentioning that I have a mild tendency towards exaggeration. So naturally, bearing those two things in mind, when a dustbin got knocked over by a stiff breeze just outside my house, I exxagerated.

Also, it's not gloomy at all. I feel I should mention that as there's quite a pleasantly warm burny thing in the sky which could be the sun but it's been so long that I've forgotte what the sun looks like. Whatever it is, it's nice and I don't want it to go away.

I can't really see through the gloom,
But I'm guessing it's safe to assume
That it's windy as hell
Cos my dustbin just fell
And I've just seen it fly past my room.

.

Eighty Seven

2010-02-25T15:26:00.000Z

Apparently biting both of the ends off of a kitkat and using it as a straw to drink tea is a completely legitimate thing to do. It changed my life in ten minutes flat.

My life up til now has been poor,
And I don't know quite what I lived for.
I was in the dark
And it wasn't a lark
Til I found out about KitKat straws

Eighty Six

2010-02-24T20:45:00.002Z

I've amazed myself today. That sounds a tad big headed, and I'm sorry, but I have been amazing today. I got everything on my very long 'to do' list done and then some. I've spent a lot of the day using 'I am a machine' as some kind of inspirational mantra (well, desperate times and all...) and only now, when I've finished everything, have I had time to reflect on the true and life-altering implications that would have if it were true.

It's 'cos I'm deep.

I think I might be a machine,
And I know you might take that to mean,
That I work hard. But no,
I mean what makes me go
Is just oil and hot air and steam.

.

Eighty Five

2010-02-23T20:36:00.004Z

I have some work due in this week. Fortunately, what I have due in is a collection of poems and a few pages of a musical so it's pretty fun. Even so, I've been sitting around all day not knowing what to write, which feels a hell of a lot less fun. I'm getting there now but it has come at the cost of my sanity. Oh well, fortunately I'm the human embodiment of the phrase" chin up". Onwards and upwards.

I've done lots of fun things today.
Wrote some poems and part of a play.
So it's just really strange
That I'm getting deranged...
All this and it's not a Monday.

Also, because I spent a lot of time yesterday covered in pink icing and margerine and sugar and all sorts, here is my limerick video again:

.

Eighty Four

2010-02-22T21:19:00.000Z

Ta Da!

Eighty Three

2010-02-22T20:22:00.000Z

I wrote the following limerick on Sunday:

I really really like to bake.
It's good therapy for heartache.
It's easy and cheap,
And it may not be deep,
But afterwards, you can have cake!

Today I made a video of sorts for that limerick (Which was the messiest thing I've done in ages...) so I'm counting that as my thing for today. That, and the emotional rollercoaster that is me trying to upload a video on to any video site...

Here goes...

.

Eighty Two

2010-02-20T21:55:00.001Z

We were supposed to be making videos for this weekend. Unfortunately I'm having minor technical difficulties.

I'm forced to create words like 'Bamera'
Or even weirder ones like 'Zamera'
As I need to excuse
Lack of video use.
I'm sorry! I've broken my camera.

.

Eighty One

2010-02-20T21:49:00.000Z

I had my friend round my house for Dominos yesterday. We occasionally end up at one another's house watching rubbish and eating rubbish. Yesterday's visual rubbish was '16 and Pregnant' on MTV - have you SEEN it?! It's great! The eaten rubbish was, as previously mentiond, pizza. I had a bit of dissertation-induced cabin fever before we had our pizza time as I hadn't left the house in 5 days and had even managed to sustain a genuine Typing Related Injury. So naturally, when I gave myself a bit of time off, my feelings came out a bit strong.

Oh Domino's Pizza I do
Really really and truly love you.
Maybe that's bad.
My arteries are sad.
But I guess they must just muddle through.

.

Eighty

2010-02-18T19:15:00.002Z

I was walking back from the shops this evening juggling some milk and some bread and the largest umberella known to man and there was a car in my way. On the path. It was some kind of posh make - I made a mental note of exactly what kind, but it wouldn't rhyme with anything so I dismissed it. Anyway, there was a car on the path. And I was in a mood. And it was raining. All of these factors together = Limerick. Damn Straight. I bet the posh car driver regrets it all now...

You do have a very nice car.
And I bet people think you're a star.
But it's just not a laugh
Parking on all the path.
Guess what? You're not some kind of Czar.

.

Seventy Nine

2010-02-18T19:08:00.001Z

Double special again. I'm quite tired and I can't really be bothered to make an excuse for my laziness, so we'll just call it that. Laziness.

I've been thinking about a chocolate bar I really want all day. I even looked it up on Wikipedia to find out if it was still aorund so I wouldn't get my hopes up about having one if they didn't make it anymore. I couldn't tell. So the natural progression of chocolate research is to go from Wikipedia to Limerick. Blatently.

I wanted something for my lunch,
But I have a quite worrying hunch,
That they make it no more,
Is anyone sure?
What became of the Nestle bar, 'Crunch'?

Seventy Eight

2010-02-16T19:53:00.004Z

Possibly my favourite of the 100 Days projects (If I had to pick an absolute favourite) is '100 Days of Lists From My Life' by Elise. Every day she makes a list, and I like reading them. it's just that simple.

So today I decided to make a list as it's homage week. I've been sitting at my computer for two days straight as I'm trying to get as much of my dissertation witten as possible in this week, so I decided to use the list-making to make me feel like I'd managed to get SOMETHING done. Although, looking at the list, there is probably a chance I could have been a tad more focussed.

This is everything I've achieved today

However, I'm quite excited because I can also add 'learnt how to include a link in a blog post' and 'learnt how to include a picture in a blog post'. Neither of which were things I could do before.

See?! 78 days in and I'm STILL learning.

.

Seventy Seven

2010-02-15T20:08:00.004Z

I really like the '99 beginnings, 1 ending' project which Michael Sheen is doing (here: http://seldomsheen.blogspot.com/ and on twitter: http://twitter.com/SheenNotHeard ). I'm a bit lazy to be writing the beginning of a story in any kind of actual story format, so I've reverted back to the ol' limericks, and I got a random wikipedia article as the inspiration - in doing so, I think I might have also plagiarised another project, but I can't remember whose... Anyone?

Well, anyway, definitely a homage-ridden day I feel.

When Timmy woke up it was fine,
He started driving down Route 89.
With adventures in store,
He uttered a roar,
And headed of to the skyline.

.

Seventy Six

2010-02-14T18:11:00.002Z

So today I'm ripping off this fine blog, in which Tim writes a 16 line poem every day (and therefore does about three times as much rhyming as me. Something like that anyway.) His are infinitely better, and all at http://twentington100.wordpress.com

There's a man who works in an office near London Bridge station and I see him sitting at his desk every day. I don't know why I speifically look for him, but I seem to have picked out a couple of people to look out for every time my train is going throuh the bit with all the offices around Tower Bridge. Anyway, I now haven't seen him around for a week and a half so I started to wonder where he'd gone. And then imagined where he might have gone in a 16-line poem format. As you do.

One day a bald man at his job
Was busy doing 'work'.
He made some tea and ate two meals -
Some things he would not shirk.

Sometime he'd also have a nap
With slippers, dressing gown.
Then somone called him 'lazy' and
It really brought him down.

It turned out that most colleagues did
Not think him good at all.
When he wasn't drooling at his desk
He'd gone out playing ball.

So he left his job that gloomy day
And glumly went to bed,
Ate takeaway and had a sleep,
Then painted the town red.

(I wanted him to be happy in the end - he seems like a nice enough bloke. Or, at least, the back of his head through the window always seems nice enough...)

.

Seventy Five

2010-02-13T15:12:00.002Z

Today I'm making my 'homage' (I have to keep saying homage because I'm not always 100% sure how to spell 'plagiarise'. Well, it's iffy as to whether I'll manage each time I try...) to this blog: http://hundredhaikudays.blogspot.com/ in which Andy writes a haiku a day. (He's also on twitter - www.twitter.com/accleary100days)

I had the following one sided conversation with my friend on a train the other day. I wanted to put it in my usual limerick but I couldn't figure out how. For a start, I'd have needed the dog to be on a log or in a bog, or for there to have been some fog somewhere, and there were none of those things. So a haiku it is.

There's a dog on that
Roof. A German Shepherd dog.
On the roof. Right there.

.

Seventy Three and Seventy Four

2010-02-12T10:49:00.000Z

Yesterday, I did nothing. I'm being honest because that's not a bad thing - let's just call it a homage to those who have fallen along the wayside. A homage to the 50-day people, and the 10-day people and the 2-days-and-then-I-kind-of-forgot people. No harm in that...

Today I am going to play the piano for 20 minutes. Probably after I've written this. I don't know who came up with that idea, but I keep seeing it on the site (www.hundreddays.net) on the list of what people are doing and it seems like a good idea. I'm quite a slow player (still learning!) but I'm fairly optimistic that I could get almost 2 whole songs out in that time. Damn straight.

Seventy Two

2010-02-10T18:58:00.003Z

I'm quite excited about it being 'homage' week. Or just 'barefaced copying of ideas' week because that's what I'm doing. For the first time in around 70 days I haven't had to think about rhyming! Ooh it feels good.

I decided to copy Greg Wohead and write a 140 character Twitter Play. You can read his on his Twitter page at www.twitter.com/gregwohead. You probably should do because I think I need more practise, but his are brilliant!

Jamie: Those twitter plays are hard! / Taylor: Why? / Jamie: Well, I tried to write one today but I rambled and then I just ran out of chara

.

Seventy One

2010-02-09T16:13:00.002Z

I went to Wembley Stadium today. I'm sorry about the third line - I thought I was being clever, but I doubt I was.

Those were the two things you need to know about this one...

Wembley Stadium's big.
With that huge 'archway' kind of rig.
90,000/one roof,
Which is more or less proof.
That that's one massively scary gig.

.

Seventy

2010-02-08T17:09:00.001Z

I get a teensy bit influenced when I watch sporting montages or films involving sports, and I quickly think I can do them (I'm good at some... Cheerleading, football, swimming...) when fairly often I've never done them in my life. I had two instances of this yesterday. The first was when I went ot watch 'Invictus' - ooh it made me weep. I never cry at chick flicky films (Have you SEEN the notebook? Yawn.) but give me a film where the underdog team wins at a sport and there's some kind of crescendoing soundtrack to go along with it and I will blub. Every time.

Then I watched the superbowl. The Americans also seem to like their sporting montages.

When I watched oth of these things I became briefly convinced that I was a pro at the respective sports. I doubt I really am.

(Also, I've seen people use 'Allow' in this kind of context on Facebook. I've never tried it before myself. I hate it a little bit, but it rhymed so, hey - any port in a storm.)

I watched Invictus last night and so now,
I'm an expert in rugby somehow.
Watched the Superbowl too,
So it's also quite true.
I'm an NFL pro. Yes. Allow.

.

Sixty Nine

2010-02-07T16:00:00.001Z

Over the last couple of days I've been drinking loads of Ginger Beer. I had to read the Famous Five because as one of my final uni projects I think I might be writing a kind of spoof Famous Five musical, but it must have planted a seed (a ginger seed...) because ever since, I have not been able to stop with the stuff. It doesn't help that it's probably the sugariest fizzy drink I've ever come across and it's costing a BOMB. I might have to get myself onto a recovery program. Do they have 'Non-Alcoholics Anonymous'?

It's more than a little bit queer
That I can't stop drinking ginger beer.
It's costing a lot.
A lot more than I've got.
I'm like a Famous Five member, my dear.

.

Sixty Eight

2010-02-06T12:33:00.002Z

This is rubbish, I'll admit it. I have to go to work later though so I don't have much time to think of things...

If Saturday Kitchen weren't real,
I just cannot say how I'd feel.
How could I drink my tea?
Spill porridge on my knee?
Without something to sweeten the deal?

Sixty Seven

2010-02-05T09:53:00.002Z

Apparently rhymes take a little turn downhill when it's the morning...

Its not very nice, but it's true.
On my arm is a big yellow bruise.
And by 'yellow' I mean,
'As a buttercup scene'.
It looks like an awful tattoo.

Sixty Six

2010-02-04T21:51:00.000Z

I've been seeing stupid hats EVERYWHERE today. There's only one person I blame. And he's in NDubz. I'm not sure when The 'Dappy hat' became cool though! Mind you, I never know when things are cool til they're not anymore...

I hope someone's let Dappy know
That the 'stupid hat' trend seems to grow
When he goes on TV
With a bobble you can see
From space. But why is it so?

Sixty Five

2010-02-03T21:24:00.001Z

When I was watching 'The One Show' earlier (what? It makes me laugh.) There was a man on as a guest. It turns out he was in Genesis, but they managed to get through the entire show without actually saying who he was. As far as I'm aware they didn't mention his name once. He could've been anyone for all I was aware. (Also, to be honest I know nothing about Genesis anyway so he could still be anyone as far as I'm aware...)

So today I'm using a limerick to right this wrong. Or actually just to point it out in a fairly unhelpful way.

Dear Adrian. Also, Christine.
There's a man on your show I've just seen.
Could you mention his name?
Or is this all a game,
Just to play with our minds - Now, come clean.

.

Sixty Four

2010-02-02T19:13:00.001Z

So, on the Hundred Days website yesterday they mentioned someone who'd just started the whole hundred day thing. They'd sent an email of which the first words were "First step in a long journey". There was a challenge - Only a little challenge, more like a 'challengette' - to use those words to come up with something for today.

I a) Like a challenge (It's the title of the Blog and EVERYTHING...)
b) Have slightly run out of ideas so I'll take ANYTHING anyone offers,

So I thought I'd go for it. It couldn't hurt. This is me imagining I'm someone else starting this thing. I don't think limericks are a lifelong skill.

First step in a journey that's long,
And I hope I don't put a foot wrong.
Well... I'm human. I will.
But it might be thrill -
I might learn a new skill that's lifelong.

.

Sixty Three

2010-02-01T20:48:00.001Z

I used to sit next to one of my friends in maths (back when I still DID maths) and he was a bit obsessed with the fact that the number 63 was the best number and you could make any number come back to 63 if you just tried hard enough. We talked about it a lot. That, and whatever films we were into at the time... I feel I should make it clear that we were both slight less than cool, and also maths was boring - we didn't wholeheartedly subscribe to number-related conspiray theories. Some of his reasoning with the 63 thing was VERY suspect, which I often pointed out, but it never seemed to make much difference.

Anyway, to this day, I can't hear the number 63 and not think back to the days of the dodgy 'magic number' theories...

*sigh*

My friend used to say sixty three,
Was as magic as numbers could be.
Any number, with skill,
Comes to that - what a thrill...
It was pretty insane, you'll agree.

.

Sixty Two

2010-01-31T18:36:00.000Z

One of my friends keeps nagging me for a rude limerick. I'm not sure this is what she had in mind but it's what she's getting (Be more specific next time!).

Also the stars aren't there so much out of not wanting to offend people as out of the fact that I'm not sure those words fit properly. But this way, I say they do and you have no choice but to believe me. Ha!

To think limericks must be rude
Is really just bad atitude
F***, S***, W**** D***,
C***, C***-S****** P****
See? Without stars that would just be crude.

.

Sixty One

2010-01-30T23:00:00.000Z

I've been watching 'Heroes' tonight. I stopped watching it becaues it got rubbish but apparently it's gone back to being good and no one told me....

That's pretty irrelevant really, but any time I watch/read things about people with diffreent kinds of powers I start thinking about what ones I'd like to have. I never get far.

I'd like time to get everything done
Or invisibility, or a really fast run.
To be able to fly,
Or to learn things first try...
...Or the power to pick only one!

Sixty

2010-01-29T10:33:00.001Z

I was watching Question Time last night. That, for a start is one thing I never do because I hate it - It just seems like a televised group of bickering people. However, for whatever reason, I was watching it last night and the best thing, probably EVER, happened.

There was a man a few seats down from some woman who was asking a question and, as he went to adjust his glasses, he managed to knock them off of his own face and onto the floor. Then he fidgeted around a lot trying to pick them up, realised it was pretty hopeless, and then remembered that there was a camera on him and pulled an 'oops' face.

There haven't been many times in my life when I laughed THAT much. Did anyone else see it? I hope I haven't just gone mad. But this limerick is for him!

On Qustion Time yesterday eve,
A man knocked his glasses with his sleeve.
They fell on the floor,
It made him feel sore,
Since the damn things he couldn't retrieve.

.

Fifty Nine

2010-01-28T16:16:00.001Z

I know it's supposed to be love week. Sadly someone on the tube this morning (I'd say she was about 15. She had a massive fur hat, a spongebob squarepants bag, a pink iphone and a very boring but loud conversation.) severely ticked me off.

So this limerick may be quite the opposite of 'love', but I did love writing it. ince she was right there when I did...

To the girl in the stupid fur hat:
Spongebob is not where it's at,
and iphones aren't cool
when you look like a fool,
And you're boring us all with your chat.

.

Fifty Eight

2010-01-27T20:34:00.001Z

I'll be honest. I'm knackered. I have been all day and I'm probably going to bed fairly soon which, considering it's 8:30 as I write this, may seem slightly pathetic. However, it's forced me to come up with a way of being lazy and still incorporating Love Week into this thing.

So, this is the only limerick (aside from one concerning a certain woman from Ealing that I think we've all heard...) that I've ever remembered. It's not by me but someone told me it a couple of years ago and I can still remember it. I think I could almost argue that I love it.

So, for love week. A limerick I love. (Although I have no idea who came up with it...)

There once was a man from Peru
Whose limerick stopped at line two.

(It's a lot more impressive to think that I remembered it if we ignore the fact that it's two lines long...)

.

Fifty Seven

2010-01-26T20:20:00.002Z

I'm still trying to do Love Week. I made a list of all the things I've said I love today. Just today. I'm always saying I love things, but I never pay attention to what I'm actually saying it about. Looking it over again, I suspect I may be giving it away too easily...

Lemon squash, and mini post-it notes,
My walkman, my shoes, Hamlet quotes.
Some vegetable soup,
A weird facebook group,
Cabaret, dusk, porridge oats.

.

Fifty Six

2010-01-25T19:03:00.001Z

Not sure what this is. I assume that if you write a love poem in limerick form you'd have a higher than average chance of getting knocked back so hey, why not write one assuming that's what's going to happen?

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
No? Bloody fine. Go away?!
Look I know this is not
Quite hitting the spot
But I love you. Just wanted to say.

.

Fifty Five

2010-01-24T18:38:00.002Z

So I don't check the website for a couple of days and all of a sudden it's Love Week. Hmm... There's not many words to rhyme with that. the thinking cap'll have to g on before tomorrow!

I think it's quite lucky that 'love'
Ryhmes with something romantic like 'dove'.
But there's just one more rhyme,
But it's never the right time
To pair things like romance with 'glove'.

.

Fifty Three and Fifty Four

2010-01-23T16:54:00.000Z

Unfortunately the socket in the only part of the house where I can get internet signal came a ropper yesterday after somebody (naming no names!) dropped the lid of a shredder onto it. No, I don't know how either...

So anyway, while I am doing quite well with keeping up with this 100days shindig, I was NOT about to risk electrocution for it, so this is the limerick for yseterday:

A shredder's a dangerous thing
But in a way I find quite surprising.
Drop the lid if you dare,
But you better beware.
A fight with a socket? It'll win.

Continuing with the theme of death, today we decided to finally do something about the mice that have been living in our roof. They've been there for ages - we could hear them running around - but we hadn't done anything before now, so we tok all of the lightbulbs out of the ceiling and put poison up there (I say 'we' - wasn't much help. I was too busy backing away into a corner clutching a torch and intending to hit them if by some miracle they came out of the ceiling and ran at me... I don't like mice much...). I'm guessing we'll deal with the aftermath later (there goes that 'we' again...)

Trust me, if you'd been sitting there listening to the bastards running around having more fun that you for the past few months, you'd like this limerick. Otherwise, possibly not so much...

The mice in our roof must have bred.
Goodness knows how they've kept themselves fed!
They have fun, we can tell,
And that's all very well,
But quite soon they will all just be dead.

.

Fifty Two

2010-01-21T18:25:00.001Z

So, as I mentioned when I wrote my double limerick two days ago, I went to the NTAs last night. (I can't actually make that sound un-show-off-y, but we were in the proper arena bit with the rest of the peasants if that helps...). The whole thing had a dress code, and whenever that's the case, I always seem to end my nights in a consistently classy style.

I can't help but feel I'm a debtor
To whoever made posh nights out better.
Just add a kebab,
When you're dressed up all fab!
I'll write them a long thank you letter.

.

FIFTY!

2010-01-19T17:42:00.003Z

I'm off to the National TV Awards tomorrow. Not in a posh way, just in a 'I bought a ticket since it's at the O2 so basically I'll just sit at the back trying to see over a couple of thousand other people's heads' kind of way. Or, for short, 'the good way'. The way that probably involves a strong element of MacDonalds.

Anyway, that does mean I won't have time for limericks tomorrow so I've done another double one. This time I tried to make the two link. There's not really a better way of putting it than pointing out that I started another one mid-sentence. I'm not actually sure if that's allowed or not, but it's too late now! I might just be blowing the limerick world apart here...

Doubles are doubly hard -
I admit that I'm hardly the bard.
Though I daresay that he
Wasn't limericky
Cos then we wouldn't have high regard,

For the plays and the sonnets he wrote
Which we use when we'd like to emote,
When we want to sound smart -
Like we know about art.
Quote, "all's well that ends well", unquote.

.

Forty Nine

2010-01-18T15:29:00.000Z

I have half a ton of reading to do today. Unfortunately that means that I've had two cups of coffee, and since I seem to be ridiculously influenced by caffeine, I'm now pretty wired.

The coffee is making me twitch.
(It may also have made me a bitch)
I had stuff to read,
But now I just need
To run round a large football pitch...

.

Forty Eight

2010-01-17T16:27:00.002Z

I forgot to do one of these yesterday. Actually, that's a lie - I did think of doing one but it was as I was in the process of falling asleep in fron of the telly after work and there are some things in life that are just more important that limericks.

So this a special 'double bill' of limericks. And I think that should probably be 'special' in the bad way...

No limerick for yesterday,
As my laziness held me in sway,
So I left it too late,
For yesterday's date,
So I'll do two right now if I may.

However the problem is this -
It's something I think is amiss -
If today I don't think,
Of some words that'll link,
It'll make me look twice as remiss.

Forty Six

2010-01-15T20:25:00.000Z

QI starts in 5 minutes. 'Nuff said.

Some people may just wonder why
I'm rushing to watch Stephen Fry.
My priorities might,
Not always seem right,
But there's also the chance of some pie!

.

Forty Five

2010-01-14T09:50:00.002Z

I'm not sure this makes sense. Then again, I got up at 6am today so to be honest, I probably don't make much sense anyway.

I fell in love this morning. It was with a Burger King bacon, egg and cheese butty. How I have never had one before is beyond me, but now this serious oversight has been corrected I look forward to my impending obesity. oh yes.

A Burger king sausage, and cheese,
And egg butty is all that one needs -
London bridge at half eight
Is so far from great,
That salvation is only in these.

.

Forty Four

2010-01-13T14:47:00.001Z

I don't mind musicals. In fact I quite like them. I really like some of them. In fact, I'll go so far as to say I love some of them. Not Gilbert and Sullivan though. Yawn.

Dear Gilbert. And Sullivan Too.
Your shows are a pile of poo.
I like musical shows
And I'll pay through the nose
To see them - but not ones by you.

.

Forty Three

2010-01-12T12:50:00.002Z

Like pretty much everbody I know, I watched 'Glee' yesterday. It was SO GOOD I could get past the fact that I wanted to punch every single one of the actors playing the kids from the glee club in the face quite hard. That's because I like the songs and especially because of all the bits with the cheer coach and the cheerleaders. We've all been there. Well, maybe we haven't all been there, but I definitely have. And it's funny! Now they just need to lose all of the kids and show more of the teachers and it'd be brilliant!

Where has 'Glee' been before now?
Yes OK, it's not that highbrow.
But the 'High school' thing means
There's GREAT cheer routines
And the songs are great too. So, just, wow.

.

Forty Two

2010-01-11T17:00:00.002Z

I was supposed to be going to America this summer for about 12 weeks. It was one of these 'work in a summer camp and travel afterwards' dealies which was great and all in theory but everyone working there was almost completely incompetent. Except, ironically, for the woman who is helping me to cancel my application - she's very efficient...

The main reason I wanted to go was to visit various friends who came to do study abroad terms at Goldsmiths and were in my classes/ societies/ halls. It was going to be a grand tour of people's floors and sofas via a few things that I'd randomly decided I'd like to hav seen along the way.

But now it's not happening because of some ridiculously unorganised people which, considering I was really looking forward to it, is a bit rubbish.

I wanted to visit my friends
But the fuss and the faff never ends.
Plus I wouldn't be good,
Trapped with kids in a wood.
I'll just go when my bank account mends.

.

Forty One

2010-01-10T15:36:00.001Z

I have genuinely got no ideas left. So today I went on Wikihow and did my 'random article' thing and came up with "How to get to Varrock sewers in Runescape". I may have to stop using wikihow... I've never played runescape. I'd never heard of it until about 15 minutes ago. It sounds awfully complicated. Still, while I wouldn't recommend using this as actual instruction if you are into Runescape, I think I got the jist in.

If anyone has ANY ideas of things I could do for limericks, please let me know!

First, teleport self to Varrock.
(While ignoring all those who might mock.)
Down the castle's right side,
Open manhole up wide.
But beware - monsters might give you a shock.

.

Forty

2010-01-09T17:18:00.004Z

I couldn't think of anything to write about today so I asked one of my friends. She was not overly helpful.

Sometimes I find words for the end
Before to the real lines I tend.
But when I can't be arsed
Then I write pretty fast
And ask for ideas from my friends.

.

Thirty Nine

2010-01-08T18:55:00.004Z

I've been rying to work on my dissertation for the last couple of days. However I have been severely hampered by the uselessness of a website which is designed for students to be able to access articles and journal entries and so on. It constantly logs me out and then tells me that I'm not allowed to log in. Even though I was logged in ten seconds ago. It's rubbish.

Oh Jstor, I hate you, it's true.
I can't do what I want to do.
When you log me straight out,
All that I do is pout,
As my access to texts is through you.

.

Thirty Eight

2010-01-07T12:43:00.003Z

I couldn't find the keys to my shed this morning to get my sledge out. I tried hundreds of different ones and none of hem worked so eventualy I just broke in. I'm slightly concerned about the effects this might have had on me because it was a lot of fun and I keep finding myself looking at other things and wondering if I could break in to them. Actually, maybe it shouldn't be concerning me as much as it should be concerning the general public...

People seem to think crime doesn't pay,
But I proved them all wrong just today.
I broke into my shed,
To rescue my sled,
Which has sent all my morals away.

.

Thirty Seven

2010-01-06T11:48:00.003Z

Some may say I didn't put a huge amount of effort into this limerick. Tsk. how dare they? I just got the word 'Bo' into a limerick. I can cross that off the list of life aims I didn't even know I had.

Also, it's snowing. Not sure anyone's mentioned that yet...

snow snow snow snow snow snow snow woah
snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow
snow snow snow snow snoo
snow snow snow snow woo!
snow snow snow snow snow snow snow. Bo!

.

Thirty Six

2010-01-05T23:35:00.002Z

I have a very dodgy internet signal right now so suffice it to say that I wrote this limerick while seeing 'Did you hear about the Morgans?' It's OK. Very OK. Aren't all films with Hugh Grant.

The Morgans should stay where they are.
I hope they don't go very far.
Since one looks like a horse,
And the other, of course,
Is just gosh, golly, jolly sub-par.

Thirty Five

2010-01-04T22:45:00.002Z

I got an ipod today. It's my first one. I admit I'm slightly behind the times, but for years I decided I didn't want to be giving all of money over to Apple. Now I'm not overly bothered and all I want is a massive memory, hence the ipod.

I love it because it's shiny. That's about it right now because I'm having a nightmare in the form of Itunes. Maybe it's just me but it all seems very complicated...

Anyway, this limerick doesn't make much sense but to be honest I have bigger Itunes-shaped fish to be frying right now. Also I should say, I don't actually regret buying the sucker - It's more that I regret being such a luddite until now...

I'm not sure I'm fully equipped
Since a hole in my wallet I ripped
When I bought my ipod
And... just... Oh my god
I think I'd rather I'd kept it zipped.

.

Thirty Four

2010-01-03T14:07:00.004Z

I'm pretty sure that everyone must have seen the Evian adverts by now. The ones with the roller skating babies. If you haven't, they're all on youtube but I'm way too much of a dunce to be able to post a link on here...

I'm not sure it makes me want to drink water any more than I do now, and it definitely doesn't make me want to spend money on something I could just get out of a tap, but it does make me want a roller skating baby. I think I could learn a lot from one.

If that Evian advert's not true
And babies don't skate in a crew
I won't be impressed
Since I'm slightly obsessed
With the tricks mine could teach me to do.

.

Thirty Three

2010-01-02T16:28:00.004Z

I bought some shoes the other day. They're red and sparkly. They look like the lovechildren of the ruby slippers from The Wizard of Oz and a pair of plimsolls. In good way (can there BE a bad way?). Anyway, I'm obsessed with them. Over the past few days I've been dividing my time between wearing them and just looking at them. Today's limerick addresses this all too serious issue.

It's good when it feels like a treat
To look down and catch sight of your feet.
With sparkly shoes
One never can lose,
Since glitter will trump all defeat.

.

Thirty Two

2010-01-01T16:53:00.004Z

Happy New Year!

I'm a little bit freaked out by 2010 because it seems like it'll be a pretty big year for me. As such, I'm choosing to not even contemplate the whole 'New Decade' thing. I have to stop dicking around at university this year and go and do something proper, which would be less scary if I had any idea what that was going to be. At the same time I don't think it's a bad kind of scary. If anything I'm quite loking forward to seeing where I end up. I think it's a lot more fun this way than the people who set their minds on careers years ago and are just going to go and do them in May with no straying from the plan. Then again, if I wasn't thinking like that I'd be terrified by now. Optimism wins again!

I think this limerick sounds a bit negative now I've read it over, but it definitely makes me sound more scared than I am. I'm excited, I promise.

And as if making myself a better person in 100 days wasn't enough, I also have a New Years resolution. I'm going to stop saluting magpies. I'm not a superstitious person but I always do that and I would like to not always do that. I actually failed within about 3 hours of getting up but there was no-one around and it's not like I'd do anything stupid and mention it on the internet!

2010 plus side order of fear
Is how I am viewing this year.
There's a lot I don't know
About how things might go,
And where I'll end up isn't clear.

.

Thirty One

2009-12-31T11:46:00.002Z

It's New Years Eve! I like New Year's Eve because I usually have a really nice time. I've never been one for going out and drinking a lot or trying to fight my way through London to watch some fireworks because, well, I could go out drinking any day of the week if I wanted (and for a lot less than I imagine it costs to do it on New Years Eve...) and I know what fireworks look like so I have no real urge to see them while I'm being crushed by thousands of people.

My New Year's Eves usually involve eating nice food and then playing games. Sometimes that's with a big group of family friends, and sometimes it's just extended family or, like this year, it could just be me, my parents and my sister. We didn't have a very good Christmas this year so I'm quite excited about the prospect of us all sitting around in front of the TV with a board game and one of those Marks and Spencer "Party in for £10" deals. My family are very funny people - it will be good.

I hope whatever everyone else is doing tonight you all have a good time. And I hope that while you're doing whatever you're doing, you will still be admiring me for getting the word "enamoured" into a limerick. I know I will be.

Have fun!

My New Year's Eve's usually great.
But I know some might find it sedate.
I'm not really enamoured
Of going out getting hammered
When I could sit and play Articulate.

.

Thirty

2009-12-30T14:32:00.004Z

I spent the entire morning shopping. I think the combination of a lack of food/caffeine after waking up, and a scary number of women who get surprisingly nimble when they spot a bargain could have been what caused me to hate everyone and everything in the entire shopping centre. I'm alright now because I got a nice coat, so with the benefit of hindsight it was probably worth it. Unfortunately, I didn't have the option of hindsight while I was there. I was just angry.

I should also point out the the 'Kurt' mentioned in the poem is Kurt Geiger, because obviously I am in the habit of referring to designers by their first name. And also (mainly) because, well, have you ever tried to rhyme the word 'Geiger' with something??

A shop is a horrible place
When everyone joins in the race
For last season's shirt
Or cheap shoes made by Kurt.
One day I'll rip off someone's face.

.

Twenty Nine

2009-12-29T11:56:00.003Z

I'm really tired today. I don't know why. What it makes this tiredness extremely galling is that last night I went to bed vey early and listened to an audiobook efore I went to sleep. I never do that. I feel particularly hard done by that I'm tired even after taking a serious hit to my generally-quite-precarious-anyway coolness by reconstructing 'bedtime story' conditions. What exactly is the point of them if they're not going to help you sleep?

So anyway, I'm tired. Almost too tired to be able to come up with three words that end in 'illy' without being childish. I tried too. For almost a minute...

I'm so tired it's just really silly.
And I'm also a little bit chilly.
But I'm sorry, It's tough,
I'm not grown up enough
Not to finish this with the word 'willy'

.

Twenty Eight

2009-12-29T11:51:00.002Z

This is absolutely being written on the 28th of December. Of course it is! How dare you accuse me of missing a day like that? Just, er... don't check the date OK?

I had to go to wikihow again today (and by 'today' I mean Tuesday, which this obviously is, no problems here...) due to severe lack of any ideas so this limerck is all about how to survive high school. It may help to read it in a whiny American accent because that's what I was doing when I wrote it...

High School's a pretty rough stage
'Cos you're at such an awkward 'teen' age.
Justchill out, Go to class,
Don't act like an ass,
It's just a couple of years in this cage.

.

Twenty Seven

2009-12-27T20:45:00.003Z

I have to be very quick again as I'm about to miss Cranford and it's obviously essential viewing for a hard and fast living 20 year old such as myself...

I got a keyboard for Christmas. I have summed up my efforts so far:

Playing the keyboard is hard.
My efforts have so far been marred
By the fact that one song
Could be twelve minutes long
Since I play like the keys have been tarred.

Twenty Six

2009-12-26T12:36:00.002Z

Ugh. Boxing Day. I actually like Boxing day because usually it means that you get to sit and wach TV all day and play with your presents (a keyboard, thanks for asking...) which I firmly intend to do. Unfortunately it'll have to wait until after I get home from work. People do enjoy a panto on Boxing Day and apparently that requires staff. Still, I love my job, but at the back of my mind all day there will be whatever crappy afternoon film I could hve been collapsed in front of. For the five minutes it took to write this limerick, I convinced myself I was actually going to get to watch the bad Christmas TV. I'm such an idealist, I really am...

I confess that I've gone a bit flat.
And I can't move from where I first sat.
But there's lots on TV
So I can't really see
What's so wrong with any of that.

.

Twenty Five

2009-12-26T12:32:00.002Z

I warn you now, this may all sound nerdy.

Yesterday, like probably most of the nation, I watched Doctor Who. I love Doctor Who, and I always have. One could almost call me a geek. However, takng into a accont the fact that my name is Nicola MASTERS, I found it slightly insulting that it is apparently a terrible fate to have a world dominated by Masters. Naturally, I decided to state my side of the argument. And of course, I did it in a limerick:

A world full of Masters sounds great!
There's a lot there to appreciate.
If you think about me
I'm sure you'll agree
It's really not that bad a fate...

.

Twenty Four

2009-12-24T17:01:00.002Z

I'll probably write a limerick on Christmas day, but there's no way I'll be spending any time on the computer so I won't be able to post it. I'll do a double Christmas special on boxing day. I'm sure everyone's very disappointed! In the meantime...

Christmas is just not the time
For me to freak out about rhymes.
So I'd just like to say
Have a wonderful day
Cos I certainly won't be online!

Twenty Three

2009-12-23T23:18:00.002Z

This has to be uber-quick. Mainly because I got up early and I'm tired...

One of the things I have to do at work is to pick up all the litter in the auditorium between the matinee and the evening performances of the pantomime. (I work in a theatre if that wasn't clear.) Today I found cheerios all over the floor, an issue which I decided to address in limerick-al form. I think my pedantic drama student side came out towards the end, which I apologise for... I must confess I eat when I go to the theatre too...

Cheerios aren't a good food
When ou're in a theatrical mod.
There are ice creams and sweets
If you really must eat
But decorum would also be good!

.

Twenty Two

2009-12-22T10:54:00.002Z

Last night I had to walk home from work because th buses weren't running due to the ice. It was a pain in the bum anyway, but even more so once I'd fallen over a few times.I came across a patch of ice that was literally as smooth as an ice skating rink and managed to fall - actually I think I'm being too kind in saying I 'fell'. It was more like 'wiped out spectacularly' - four times in very quick succession. The thing that annoyed me was that I did this in front of two bus stops with about 40 pople standing around them, it was about 10:30 at night and I imagine it must've looked pretty painful because it feels it this morning, and nobody even glanced up as far as I can tell.

In a way I'm glad they didn't because I'd have been ridiculously embarrassed if anyone had tried to help me up or anything (and I probably would have taken them down too...) but even so, I want them to want to help me. Or at least look concerned. Or both would be nice.

That was fairly early on in my journey home so after that I spent the rest of the way grumbling under my breath like a maniac and I arrived home cold and bruised, but also all ready to write a limerick. I have to say, I never thought I'd see the day I started writing "revenge limericks".

Oh, and the panto I mention is where I'm working. I say in the poem it's 'ace'. It is.

Watford is not a nice place.
They don't help when you fall on your face.
And the buses won't run
If you can't see the sun
but their panto is pretty darn ace.

.

Twenty One

2009-12-21T13:53:00.002Z

Family dramas are not my strong point. Unfortunately there seems to be one unfolding in my house right now, which means I'm constantly ever so slightly on edge. My Grandad looks like he'll be in hospital for the forseeable future and we don't quite know what's going to happen, but there's been a lot of hasty re-arrangement of Christmas plans and the like (Also the chance that I may have to be heavily involved in the cooking of Chistmas Dinner which I'm definitely not qulified for...) and lots of relatives spending a lot of time at the hospital.

Anyway, I'm massively uncomfortable in situations like this. I try my best to be the "cheering up" kind of person in every situation, which is sometimes the right thing to do. I get the sense though that right now it's not, which means I feel fairly redundant. I also feel like I probably shouldn't talk to people without them speaking first since I don't know what mood they'll be in and I don't know what'll set them off. Ugh, I hate this.

I don't deal well when everyone's stressed
And I can't do anything for the best.
I might say something bad
And make everyone mad,
And I don't want to give it a test.

.

Twenty

2009-12-20T20:49:00.003Z

I didn't get up until 1pm today. And even then I went back to bed for a while. I justified it because I stayed up really late watching a documentary about Shakespeare and I thought, since it was all in the name of self-improvement, that that would make the laziness OK. I think it did. I'm not in the habit of staying in bed really late but I could get used to it - hopefully without feeling the need to jusitfy myself every time.

I also just need to point out that I know the last line goes a bit weird but 1) shut up, 2) it's inversion (or some such nonsense) and that means it's allowed and, if anything, it actually makes me deeply artistic and fancy and 3) shut up. I'm getting my 'defensive' on today.

I don't think you should criticise
All of my new attempts to be wise.
I watched learning TV
Which I'm sure you'll agree,
My lie in, totally justifies.

.

Nineteen

2009-12-19T21:40:00.003Z

I had a pretty good day for most of today. My mum, my sister and I went to the Royal Albert Hall for this show where everyone just sings a bunch of Christmas songs. It's a bit like posh karaoke really. It's also a little bit like Last Night at the Proms in that everyone turns up in funny hats and with their own 'props' and there's lots of little traditions (like mexican waves) that the whole place joins in with. It sounds a bit sad but if, like me, Christmas turns you into a five year old, it's a really good day.

When we got out of there we had a phone call saying that my Grandad had had a fall so we had to go straight back afterwards. It later turned out that his "fall" was actually a big heart attack. It's looking as good as it can at the moment and everyone has all their fingers crossed but there's not a lot else we can do right now.

Anyway, I didn't particularly feel right ignoring that fact,but nor did I feel right mentioning it in limerick form so I got stuck with this:

I'm not really sure what to say
About all that has gone down today.
Our day, which was nice,
Went downhill in a trice,
But I hope it'll all be okay.

(I do feel, mostly because I can't really pull it off, that I should probably promise never to describe events as "going down" again. I do promise that.)

.

Eighteen

2009-12-18T18:18:00.004Z

Guess what? I still have the mind of a five year old. My friend and I spent most of the morning chucking snow at each other. I can't even honestly say it took the form of anything as structured as "snow balls" most of the time. It's been snowing on and off all day, nobody can get their cars out of our road and all you could hear if you were to open the front door would be my neighbours' vain attempts at scraping the path.

Nobody else seems to see this as a good thing, which I 100% do not get. I just sat and watched the news and people were complaining. Again. Anyone would think we lived in Siberia or somewhere. It's hardly the apocalypse. Anyway, in case it wasn't clear thus far, it annoys me. I'm afraid it's led to yet another snow-themed limerick!

Stop moaning about all the snow!
It's supposed to be fun, don't you know?
If we weren't meant to play,
and skip work for the day,
We wouldn't have weather you can throw.

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Seventeen

2009-12-17T10:28:00.002Z

I'm only just out of bed. But I have work tonight so I thought I'd better do this now to save stressing later on. The downside is that I had no ideas about what to write so I did my wikihow trick again. I went for a random article and came up with "how to make eggs in a basket". It's effectively fried bread with a fried egg in the bread. I can't quite get my head around it to be honest. It seems like the kind of thing that'd block your arteries just by looking at it, and if I'm blocking up my arteries I want it to involve chocolate or bacon, which this doesn't include. Basically, I just don't get the appeal.

Eggs in a basket seems gross.
An egg in a hole in some toast?
Cut a hole in the bread
add the egg - like a bed!
But too much turns you into a ghost.

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Sixteen

2009-12-16T18:45:00.003Z

It's snowing!! Alright, it isn't now, but if you'd happened to see me today all you would have heard by way of a "hello" was "it's snowing!" in a pitch about five octaves above normal and often with a little jump thrown in for good measure. But do you know what? It was snowing. For anyone who hasn't realised by now I have a mental age of about 8 most of the time and I get really excited by things like snow. Or Christmas. Or snow. I like this time of year.

But I've come across a lot of people today who have been what I can only describe as "buzzkills". Snow is fun, but not everybody seems to agree. I've decided to use today's limerick to address this very important issue:

I dread that there might come a day
Where I actively wish snow away.
When I whine about trains,
Or have roads on the brain,
That's the day that you kill me - OK?

.

Fifteen

2009-12-15T17:40:00.002Z

I may have mentioned this before, but I've been busy recently. I still am, which is having the very odd side effect of making me actually want to do work on my dissertation. I've never really found myself trying to find the time before and... well, now I'm just repeating the limerick.

I never thought I'd feel such elation
At the chance to work on my dissertation.
But I relish each hour
When I have that power...
I'm never in this situtaion!

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Fourteen

2009-12-14T19:48:00.002Z

Remember that time I said I had no time because I'd been at work and I also have a million and one other things going on? Well, that's true again. The only thing I have time to do is to clarify that 'The Moon' is the name of a pub near where I work. Otherwise that coul;d possibly change your reading of this limerick. And my mental state.

On Monday we went to The Moon.
Gin at 5pm felt like too soon.
But I guess then again,
My work day was insane.
And I don't care. Don't you judge me! You loon.

Thirteen

2009-12-13T16:27:00.002Z

We put up our Christmas tree today. It's so big we had to chop the top off in order to get it into the house. My sister and I are very Christmassy people (Read: We act like five year olds when anyone mentions anything even remotely christmassy...) but even so, that's definitely some kind of record for us. It must be about eight foot tall with the top bit cut off. It's brilliant. I've spent the day pimping EVERYTHING in the house just to make sure that every living thing knows it's Christmas. I think they do now.

We've put up our new Christmas tree.
It's a sight that you really should see.
With the tinsel and lights,
It would win in a fight,
With Santa's grotto (if you ask me).

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Twelve

2009-12-12T22:49:00.002Z

I've only just finished work. I don't have much time. I even had to get an idea of a subject off of my mum about 10 minutes ago. Sorry if it's not that good. And it's not.

Christmas shopping's a pain in the bum
Which is why I get all of mine done
In October (Or May!)
And I just have to say,
After that I still do it for fun!

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Eleven

2009-12-11T19:56:00.004Z

I'm not a big drinker. This is mainly due to the fact that I very much am a big cheapskate and I just don't want to spend loads of money when I'm out. However, when the drinks are free it's another story. I went to a Christmas party last night, which did, unfortunately, mean free drinks. It also means that I'm now knackered because I had a late night after planning not to trek all the way across London for uni. However, I am incredibly anal about timekeeping and commitments so I couldn't bring myself to skip my lecture after all. Therefore I am tired. And my journey wasn't all that fun.

Tube journeys are different I'm sure
The morning post the "big night" before.
You moonwalked through a bar,
Sang, and played air guitar.
Now the wine wants to settle the score.

.

Ten

2009-12-10T16:26:00.004Z

I saw a really tall man today. As in really tall. I think I'd put him at about seven foot, because I'm about 5'6" and he was at least a foot and a half taller than me. This is the only thing of note that has happened to me all day (don't worry, I have a party to go to later...). Anyway, in the absence of anything more exciting happening, and taking into account the fact that for about three days I've been obsessing over glittery eyeliner and shoes (the party again...) I don't think this is too bad.

Actually no. Scratch that. You're better off just stopping now to be very honest.

And I had to say "8ft" because I didn't have enough syllables for seven.

If my head was 8ft from my toes,
I'd have an extra long bed don't you know.
I'd avoid strong windy gusts,
And for transport I must
Say train ceilings are just far too low...

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Nine

2009-12-09T12:13:00.006Z

I've mentioned before that I was running out of ideas for these limericks. Today I decided to try something different. I went to a website I love, which is www.wikihow.com - It's a site where members of the public write articles about how to do things. I love it because there's a little link which brings up a random article about anything (called, cleverly enough,'random article') and I can sit for literally minutes just clicking this link - 'minutes' doesn't sound like a lot but I get bored easily... I enjoy seeing what weirdness people actually want instructions for, and also what weirdness people will write articles about. And then I climb onto my oh-so-familiar high horse and judge them.

So today I clicked the 'random article' link and decided that whatever came up, I would boil the article down to limerick form. I got "How to Get Ready for Bed": http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Ready-for-Bed

Preparation is usually key
To going to bed worry free.
Brush your teeth, wash your face,
Have no light in the place.
And please make sure you've had a wee!

.

Eight

2009-12-08T19:19:00.003Z

Every day when I get off the bus from work, I take a shortcut, which takes me down a tiny footpath through a little tiny wooded bit. I can only call it a 'bit' as I'm not sure there are words to describe an area of woods I can walk from one side of to the other in approximtely seven paces. When I say 'tiny', I mean TINY.

It's not exactly scary. I mean, yes it's technically a little like an alley and it's not lit or anything, but at the same time, my town is the living embodiment of 'suburban' so it doesn't exactly feel threatning.

Today however, I walked towards this tiny alley and saw a red light moving around in the trees. When I got nearer I could see it reflected in something (which I now realise were eyes...) and when I actually got onto the footpath proper this red thing ran at me and jump up my leg!

I'm just about over the minor heart attack I had as a result of that but as it turns out a man had decided it was good idea to attach a glowstick to his dog's collar. A great idea I'm sure, for the owners of the dog. But I don't really care about dogs all that much and, call me selfish, but I kind of care about me. Who lets a GLOWING dog run around a dark footpath?! Bastard.

To the man on the footpath tonight:
You gave me a huge f**king fright.
It's dark, yes, okay.
But I'd just like to say -
Your dog's glowing collar!? Not right!

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Seven

2009-12-07T22:13:00.004Z

I am ill. I should warn you of that now because this limerick is whingy. I like to think I brought it around at the end, but it's still pretty whingy. Sorry about that. It's just an example of what I've been doing all day. I basically have Girl Man Flu.

While I'm thinking about it, I would like to point out that when I say I went "hours in the cold in the street" I was not doing anything even remotely prostitute-y, although that is how it sounded on a second reading, hence the clarification!

I would also like to say that just to avoid days like today and at least 5 of the other days so far, I am now willing to take suggestions for what I should do limericks about. I don't think I have 100 ideas in me.

My head hurts and so do my feet.
I croak and I cough - it's a treat!
But I guess now I know
That I shouldn't go
Hours in the cold in the street.

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Six

2009-12-06T20:15:00.004Z

I'll come right out and say it. I used to be a cheerleader. And not just as in a "at a distant point in my past" kind of way, but all the way up to his summer. I went to watch my squad compete today and they did brilliantly! I got very jealous:

I used to throw girls in the air,
And wear pretty bows in my hair,
And get battered around,
And knocked to the ground.
I don't anymore. It's not fair!

I'm off to sulk now.

.

Five

2009-12-05T21:56:00.004Z

Ugh. I can see how maybe it'll be a struggle to keep this up what with the fact that Christmas tends to have me working pretty flat out. This'll probably work out fairly well for the people who actually look at these because there'll be less time to ramble first. Anyway, today I had a weird conversation with my Dad (I often do.):

If you chop up a badger it's true
That he's black and white all the way through.
And this is of course
Where man first found white sauce,
At least, that's what my Dad will tell you.

.

Four

2009-12-04T18:35:00.004Z

So, today I was walking down the high street in New Cross and I saw a new tattoo parlour that had just opened up. I always end up staring at tattoo parlours because 10% of me would like a tattoo at some point in my life, while the other 90% is terrified of everything about them. Also they are just about the least posh places ever to involve the word "parlour". You have to admire them for trying though.

In the window of this particular tattoo parlour was a sign that said: "No Pushchairs". I don't know if this makes me a snob but it had honestly never occured to me that someone would take their child when they get their tattoo done. I mean, it's not exactly your usual errand is it?

Anyway, it made me laugh. I did a limerick.

Please do not take your kids through
To the room where you'll get your tattoo
Unless you can afford
As a kind of reward
To get them inked up just like you.

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Three

2009-12-03T14:14:00.003Z

I was planning something special today. It was going to be a searing indictment on the wasteful society we live in, inspired by the Cafe Nero at London Bridge station where they wanted to give me two cups for my coffee.

It didn't quite work out:

Not enough words rhyme with 'coffee'.
The only one I found was 'toffee'.
Two hours I tried,
I was dying inside.
It's enough to drive one to the offy!

Two

2009-12-02T14:38:00.002Z

Maybe this hundred days thing will actually make me a better person purely by virtue of the fact that I'll be able to articulate my annoyance with people in whole new way. Of course, if this is anything to go by, it will also ensure that I get beaten up on the tube:

It's a truth universally known,
Public transport is not just our own.
So why did you four
Leave an old apple core,
And neglect to use any earphones?

One

2009-12-01T18:32:00.004Z

OK, so, limerick number one. I suddenly realise that writing 100 limericks means writing ONE HUNDRED of them. Oof.

But here goes:

So today is the day I start writing,
In the hope that it might be enlightning.
There'll be "no, not quite" rhymes,
And irregular times,
But my gosh won't it all be exciting?

The Awkward First Post

2009-11-27T20:37:00.004Z

Now, I don't think I've ever read a blog that had a good first post. I don't expect mine to have one either. It probably won't have a good second or third post. Or even... well you get the idea.

I've started this because I'm taking part in the Hundred Days challenge, in which participants aim for self-improvement through doing something over the course of one hundred days. Some are doing exercise, some are giving up meat, some are raising money for charity. I'm writing limericks. Obviously this is just as beneficial as any of that other stuff. If Amy Winehouse had done limericks instead of drugs, who knows where she'd be today. (Actually, who know where she is today anyway?)

So that's why we're all here. Hopefully people will read this when all the limerick-y fun starts. I probably won't, but then I'll be basking in the glow of all the improvement I'm feeling from writing the buggers.

It's probably also worth noting that as everyone doing this has agreed to record what they're doing I've set myself a second challenge in the form of trying to look like I know what I'm doing with a blog. I don't. Sometimes I barely know what I'm doing with a computer...

The challenge begins on the 1st of December, and from then on there'll be new post everday with tiny glimpses of my genius. Or my descent into madness as I realise that limericks get very annoying and I can't do computer stuff. Either way, there'll be something!