Sunday 31 January 2010

Sixty Two

One of my friends keeps nagging me for a rude limerick. I'm not sure this is what she had in mind but it's what she's getting (Be more specific next time!).

Also the stars aren't there so much out of not wanting to offend people as out of the fact that I'm not sure those words fit properly. But this way, I say they do and you have no choice but to believe me. Ha!




To think limericks must be rude
Is really just bad atitude
F***, S***, W**** D***,
C***, C***-S****** P****
See? Without stars that would just be crude.




.

Saturday 30 January 2010

Sixty One

I've been watching 'Heroes' tonight. I stopped watching it becaues it got rubbish but apparently it's gone back to being good and no one told me....

That's pretty irrelevant really, but any time I watch/read things about people with diffreent kinds of powers I start thinking about what ones I'd like to have. I never get far.



I'd like time to get everything done
Or invisibility, or a really fast run.
To be able to fly,
Or to learn things first try...
...Or the power to pick only one!

Friday 29 January 2010

Sixty

I was watching Question Time last night. That, for a start is one thing I never do because I hate it - It just seems like a televised group of bickering people. However, for whatever reason, I was watching it last night and the best thing, probably EVER, happened.

There was a man a few seats down from some woman who was asking a question and, as he went to adjust his glasses, he managed to knock them off of his own face and onto the floor. Then he fidgeted around a lot trying to pick them up, realised it was pretty hopeless, and then remembered that there was a camera on him and pulled an 'oops' face.

There haven't been many times in my life when I laughed THAT much. Did anyone else see it? I hope I haven't just gone mad. But this limerick is for him!




On Qustion Time yesterday eve,
A man knocked his glasses with his sleeve.
They fell on the floor,
It made him feel sore,
Since the damn things he couldn't retrieve.




.

Thursday 28 January 2010

Fifty Nine

I know it's supposed to be love week. Sadly someone on the tube this morning (I'd say she was about 15. She had a massive fur hat, a spongebob squarepants bag, a pink iphone and a very boring but loud conversation.) severely ticked me off.

So this limerick may be quite the opposite of 'love', but I did love writing it. ince she was right there when I did...




To the girl in the stupid fur hat:
Spongebob is not where it's at,
and iphones aren't cool
when you look like a fool,
And you're boring us all with your chat.





.

Wednesday 27 January 2010

Fifty Eight

I'll be honest. I'm knackered. I have been all day and I'm probably going to bed fairly soon which, considering it's 8:30 as I write this, may seem slightly pathetic. However, it's forced me to come up with a way of being lazy and still incorporating Love Week into this thing.

So, this is the only limerick (aside from one concerning a certain woman from Ealing that I think we've all heard...) that I've ever remembered. It's not by me but someone told me it a couple of years ago and I can still remember it. I think I could almost argue that I love it.

So, for love week. A limerick I love. (Although I have no idea who came up with it...)


There once was a man from Peru
Whose limerick stopped at line two.




(It's a lot more impressive to think that I remembered it if we ignore the fact that it's two lines long...)

.

Tuesday 26 January 2010

Fifty Seven

I'm still trying to do Love Week. I made a list of all the things I've said I love today. Just today. I'm always saying I love things, but I never pay attention to what I'm actually saying it about. Looking it over again, I suspect I may be giving it away too easily...





Lemon squash, and mini post-it notes,
My walkman, my shoes, Hamlet quotes.
Some vegetable soup,
A weird facebook group,
Cabaret, dusk, porridge oats.




.

Monday 25 January 2010

Fifty Six

Not sure what this is. I assume that if you write a love poem in limerick form you'd have a higher than average chance of getting knocked back so hey, why not write one assuming that's what's going to happen?




Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
No? Bloody fine. Go away?!
Look I know this is not
Quite hitting the spot
But I love you. Just wanted to say.




.

Sunday 24 January 2010

Fifty Five

So I don't check the website for a couple of days and all of a sudden it's Love Week. Hmm... There's not many words to rhyme with that. the thinking cap'll have to g on before tomorrow!




I think it's quite lucky that 'love'
Ryhmes with something romantic like 'dove'.
But there's just one more rhyme,
But it's never the right time
To pair things like romance with 'glove'.





.

Saturday 23 January 2010

Fifty Three and Fifty Four

Unfortunately the socket in the only part of the house where I can get internet signal came a ropper yesterday after somebody (naming no names!) dropped the lid of a shredder onto it. No, I don't know how either...

So anyway, while I am doing quite well with keeping up with this 100days shindig, I was NOT about to risk electrocution for it, so this is the limerick for yseterday:


A shredder's a dangerous thing
But in a way I find quite surprising.
Drop the lid if you dare,
But you better beware.
A fight with a socket? It'll win.



Continuing with the theme of death, today we decided to finally do something about the mice that have been living in our roof. They've been there for ages - we could hear them running around - but we hadn't done anything before now, so we tok all of the lightbulbs out of the ceiling and put poison up there (I say 'we' - wasn't much help. I was too busy backing away into a corner clutching a torch and intending to hit them if by some miracle they came out of the ceiling and ran at me... I don't like mice much...). I'm guessing we'll deal with the aftermath later (there goes that 'we' again...)

Trust me, if you'd been sitting there listening to the bastards running around having more fun that you for the past few months, you'd like this limerick. Otherwise, possibly not so much...



The mice in our roof must have bred.
Goodness knows how they've kept themselves fed!
They have fun, we can tell,
And that's all very well,
But quite soon they will all just be dead.




.

Thursday 21 January 2010

Fifty Two

So, as I mentioned when I wrote my double limerick two days ago, I went to the NTAs last night. (I can't actually make that sound un-show-off-y, but we were in the proper arena bit with the rest of the peasants if that helps...). The whole thing had a dress code, and whenever that's the case, I always seem to end my nights in a consistently classy style.




I can't help but feel I'm a debtor
To whoever made posh nights out better.
Just add a kebab,
When you're dressed up all fab!
I'll write them a long thank you letter.





.

Tuesday 19 January 2010

FIFTY!

I'm off to the National TV Awards tomorrow. Not in a posh way, just in a 'I bought a ticket since it's at the O2 so basically I'll just sit at the back trying to see over a couple of thousand other people's heads' kind of way. Or, for short, 'the good way'. The way that probably involves a strong element of MacDonalds.

Anyway, that does mean I won't have time for limericks tomorrow so I've done another double one. This time I tried to make the two link. There's not really a better way of putting it than pointing out that I started another one mid-sentence. I'm not actually sure if that's allowed or not, but it's too late now! I might just be blowing the limerick world apart here...





Doubles are doubly hard -
I admit that I'm hardly the bard.
Though I daresay that he
Wasn't limericky
Cos then we wouldn't have high regard,

For the plays and the sonnets he wrote
Which we use when we'd like to emote,
When we want to sound smart -
Like we know about art.
Quote, "all's well that ends well", unquote.





.

Monday 18 January 2010

Forty Nine

I have half a ton of reading to do today. Unfortunately that means that I've had two cups of coffee, and since I seem to be ridiculously influenced by caffeine, I'm now pretty wired.

The coffee is making me twitch.
(It may also have made me a bitch)
I had stuff to read,
But now I just need
To run round a large football pitch...




.

Sunday 17 January 2010

Forty Eight

I forgot to do one of these yesterday. Actually, that's a lie - I did think of doing one but it was as I was in the process of falling asleep in fron of the telly after work and there are some things in life that are just more important that limericks.

So this a special 'double bill' of limericks. And I think that should probably be 'special' in the bad way...




No limerick for yesterday,
As my laziness held me in sway,
So I left it too late,
For yesterday's date,
So I'll do two right now if I may.

However the problem is this -
It's something I think is amiss -
If today I don't think,
Of some words that'll link,
It'll make me look twice as remiss.

Friday 15 January 2010

Forty Six

QI starts in 5 minutes. 'Nuff said.




Some people may just wonder why
I'm rushing to watch Stephen Fry.
My priorities might,
Not always seem right,
But there's also the chance of some pie!





.

Thursday 14 January 2010

Forty Five

I'm not sure this makes sense. Then again, I got up at 6am today so to be honest, I probably don't make much sense anyway.

I fell in love this morning. It was with a Burger King bacon, egg and cheese butty. How I have never had one before is beyond me, but now this serious oversight has been corrected I look forward to my impending obesity. oh yes.




A Burger king sausage, and cheese,
And egg butty is all that one needs -
London bridge at half eight
Is so far from great,
That salvation is only in these.




.

Wednesday 13 January 2010

Forty Four

I don't mind musicals. In fact I quite like them. I really like some of them. In fact, I'll go so far as to say I love some of them. Not Gilbert and Sullivan though. Yawn.




Dear Gilbert. And Sullivan Too.
Your shows are a pile of poo.
I like musical shows
And I'll pay through the nose
To see them - but not ones by you.




.

Tuesday 12 January 2010

Forty Three

Like pretty much everbody I know, I watched 'Glee' yesterday. It was SO GOOD I could get past the fact that I wanted to punch every single one of the actors playing the kids from the glee club in the face quite hard. That's because I like the songs and especially because of all the bits with the cheer coach and the cheerleaders. We've all been there. Well, maybe we haven't all been there, but I definitely have. And it's funny! Now they just need to lose all of the kids and show more of the teachers and it'd be brilliant!





Where has 'Glee' been before now?
Yes OK, it's not that highbrow.
But the 'High school' thing means
There's GREAT cheer routines
And the songs are great too. So, just, wow.





.

Monday 11 January 2010

Forty Two

I was supposed to be going to America this summer for about 12 weeks. It was one of these 'work in a summer camp and travel afterwards' dealies which was great and all in theory but everyone working there was almost completely incompetent. Except, ironically, for the woman who is helping me to cancel my application - she's very efficient...

The main reason I wanted to go was to visit various friends who came to do study abroad terms at Goldsmiths and were in my classes/ societies/ halls. It was going to be a grand tour of people's floors and sofas via a few things that I'd randomly decided I'd like to hav seen along the way.

But now it's not happening because of some ridiculously unorganised people which, considering I was really looking forward to it, is a bit rubbish.




I wanted to visit my friends
But the fuss and the faff never ends.
Plus I wouldn't be good,
Trapped with kids in a wood.
I'll just go when my bank account mends.




.

Sunday 10 January 2010

Forty One

I have genuinely got no ideas left. So today I went on Wikihow and did my 'random article' thing and came up with "How to get to Varrock sewers in Runescape". I may have to stop using wikihow... I've never played runescape. I'd never heard of it until about 15 minutes ago. It sounds awfully complicated. Still, while I wouldn't recommend using this as actual instruction if you are into Runescape, I think I got the jist in.


If anyone has ANY ideas of things I could do for limericks, please let me know!



First, teleport self to Varrock.
(While ignoring all those who might mock.)
Down the castle's right side,
Open manhole up wide.
But beware - monsters might give you a shock.




.

Saturday 9 January 2010

Forty

I couldn't think of anything to write about today so I asked one of my friends. She was not overly helpful.




Sometimes I find words for the end
Before to the real lines I tend.
But when I can't be arsed
Then I write pretty fast
And ask for ideas from my friends.




.

Friday 8 January 2010

Thirty Nine

I've been rying to work on my dissertation for the last couple of days. However I have been severely hampered by the uselessness of a website which is designed for students to be able to access articles and journal entries and so on. It constantly logs me out and then tells me that I'm not allowed to log in. Even though I was logged in ten seconds ago. It's rubbish.




Oh Jstor, I hate you, it's true.
I can't do what I want to do.
When you log me straight out,
All that I do is pout,
As my access to texts is through you.




.

Thursday 7 January 2010

Thirty Eight

I couldn't find the keys to my shed this morning to get my sledge out. I tried hundreds of different ones and none of hem worked so eventualy I just broke in. I'm slightly concerned about the effects this might have had on me because it was a lot of fun and I keep finding myself looking at other things and wondering if I could break in to them. Actually, maybe it shouldn't be concerning me as much as it should be concerning the general public...




People seem to think crime doesn't pay,
But I proved them all wrong just today.
I broke into my shed,
To rescue my sled,
Which has sent all my morals away.




.

Wednesday 6 January 2010

Thirty Seven

Some may say I didn't put a huge amount of effort into this limerick. Tsk. how dare they? I just got the word 'Bo' into a limerick. I can cross that off the list of life aims I didn't even know I had.

Also, it's snowing. Not sure anyone's mentioned that yet...




snow snow snow snow snow snow snow woah
snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow
snow snow snow snow snoo
snow snow snow snow woo!
snow snow snow snow snow snow snow. Bo!




.

Tuesday 5 January 2010

Thirty Six

I have a very dodgy internet signal right now so suffice it to say that I wrote this limerick while seeing 'Did you hear about the Morgans?' It's OK. Very OK. Aren't all films with Hugh Grant.



The Morgans should stay where they are.
I hope they don't go very far.
Since one looks like a horse,
And the other, of course,
Is just gosh, golly, jolly sub-par.

Monday 4 January 2010

Thirty Five

I got an ipod today. It's my first one. I admit I'm slightly behind the times, but for years I decided I didn't want to be giving all of money over to Apple. Now I'm not overly bothered and all I want is a massive memory, hence the ipod.

I love it because it's shiny. That's about it right now because I'm having a nightmare in the form of Itunes. Maybe it's just me but it all seems very complicated...

Anyway, this limerick doesn't make much sense but to be honest I have bigger Itunes-shaped fish to be frying right now. Also I should say, I don't actually regret buying the sucker - It's more that I regret being such a luddite until now...





I'm not sure I'm fully equipped
Since a hole in my wallet I ripped
When I bought my ipod
And... just... Oh my god
I think I'd rather I'd kept it zipped.




.

Sunday 3 January 2010

Thirty Four

I'm pretty sure that everyone must have seen the Evian adverts by now. The ones with the roller skating babies. If you haven't, they're all on youtube but I'm way too much of a dunce to be able to post a link on here...

I'm not sure it makes me want to drink water any more than I do now, and it definitely doesn't make me want to spend money on something I could just get out of a tap, but it does make me want a roller skating baby. I think I could learn a lot from one.




If that Evian advert's not true
And babies don't skate in a crew
I won't be impressed
Since I'm slightly obsessed
With the tricks mine could teach me to do.




.

Saturday 2 January 2010

Thirty Three

I bought some shoes the other day. They're red and sparkly. They look like the lovechildren of the ruby slippers from The Wizard of Oz and a pair of plimsolls. In good way (can there BE a bad way?). Anyway, I'm obsessed with them. Over the past few days I've been dividing my time between wearing them and just looking at them. Today's limerick addresses this all too serious issue.




It's good when it feels like a treat
To look down and catch sight of your feet.
With sparkly shoes
One never can lose,
Since glitter will trump all defeat.




.

Friday 1 January 2010

Thirty Two

Happy New Year!

I'm a little bit freaked out by 2010 because it seems like it'll be a pretty big year for me. As such, I'm choosing to not even contemplate the whole 'New Decade' thing. I have to stop dicking around at university this year and go and do something proper, which would be less scary if I had any idea what that was going to be. At the same time I don't think it's a bad kind of scary. If anything I'm quite loking forward to seeing where I end up. I think it's a lot more fun this way than the people who set their minds on careers years ago and are just going to go and do them in May with no straying from the plan. Then again, if I wasn't thinking like that I'd be terrified by now. Optimism wins again!

I think this limerick sounds a bit negative now I've read it over, but it definitely makes me sound more scared than I am. I'm excited, I promise.

And as if making myself a better person in 100 days wasn't enough, I also have a New Years resolution. I'm going to stop saluting magpies. I'm not a superstitious person but I always do that and I would like to not always do that. I actually failed within about 3 hours of getting up but there was no-one around and it's not like I'd do anything stupid and mention it on the internet!





2010 plus side order of fear
Is how I am viewing this year.
There's a lot I don't know
About how things might go,
And where I'll end up isn't clear.




.