Fail. Such a fail.

Wow. I really haven't posted here in ages! Despite having said I was going to try and keep it up after I finished the whole 100 days thing. Oops. Still, I'm not really here now either - I just thought I should do something on my account so that it doesn't get shut down since I've realised that I wrote 100 poems on here and didn't keep a record of them anywhere else. I suppose I should copy them all, just to prove I can do something...

And that, my friends, is what I call a challenge!

ONE HUNDRED!

I've actually done ninety-nine.

If I make one up now it's all fine.

Then it's all above board.

It's one hundred I've scored.

After this I can draw one big line.

Sorry, When I did that video I spent two days on one limerick. I couldn't finish 100 days with only 99 things to show for it!

I cannot believe I actually made it to the end of this. Not for any particularly great reason apart from the fact that I usually don't. I'm the kind of person who'll say things on a whim ("sure, I can write a limerick every day!" being one very relevant example) and then very quickly either forget, or make up some excuse to myself about why it was a stupid idea in the first place so it's fine for me to quit.

I don't know exactly why I kept this up when I've let so much fall by the wayside in the past but I'm really glad I did. It's been great for me to say "here's something I think I can do quite well" and not feel like an idiot in actually putting myself out there and doing it. Or, perhaps more correctly, ignoring the bit at the back of my head that's almost constantly telling me that I am, in fact, an idiot and carrying on regardless.

I have no idea why I chose to write limericks in the first place. I suppose because they were always my 'party trick' so to speak, In that a) I can rhyme things quite easily and b) I don't go to many interesting parties... But I think I also like them for the very fact that they're stupid. I've had some frankly terrible days since I started this challenge but coming home and putting my energy into trying to come up with something really silly has turned out to be surprisingly helpful. I know that you're not supposed to avoid problems, but maybe there should be a proviso where limericks are concerned.

Something else I'll be taking away from this is the fact that actually, people are quite nice. Perhaps that shouldn't have been a revelation to me but, mostly through twitter and Facebook, I've come across all kinds of people with very nice things to say - be they other hundred day-ers with support and ideas, people who enjoy limericks and have written me messages to say they like what I'm doing, people with no relation to the 100 days thing or limericks who've still been very nice, and even my friends (who, even though they're my friends don't often get to see anything even remotely creative that I've come up with because I just assume they won't be interested - sorry people!). Over the course of this, I've been amazed at how willing people are to help you along the way.

I've also had my eyes opened to the kinds of things there are out there to try! The idea of doing one thing a day has proved to me that anything can be a work of art if you keep it up. Maybe building one Lego car wouldn't be seen as too creative, but 100 models? Amazing. Similarly the Twitter plays, the lists, the poems, the different photos, the artwork, the writing... I'm just using umbrella terms because I don't want to miss anyone out. I think we've all shown that anything can be a bit special if we put our minds to it.

I definitely think I've come out of this a better person. I mean, I'm a bit more confident in my own abilities and I can rhyme off the top of my head. What other skills could I possibly need to make my way in the world? (Maybe I'll be a rapper next!)

I can't honestly say I'm going to keep up the limericks. I sort of hate them a little bit now. But I think I am going to keep up this blog. Well, I'm going to try anyway. It seems a shame to consign all this work to the depths of cyber space. I have a massive pile of Uni work to take me through 'til may, but after that I'm not sure. I've already come up with a rough idea for a little film I want to make - a silly idea, naturally - and after that, I have no idea. But I'm hoping everyone's going to keep in touch?

If I didn't get your project in the limerick, well, I only have five lines! And it might not have been very rhyme-y. But I can practically guarantee that at some point I've looked at it and though "that person is brilliant". You all are.

Photos, lost gloves and great twitter plays,

Lots of poems, Lego, changing ways.

Facebook culling, and art

Plagiarism and 'starts'.

Well people, That's 100 days!

(I feel the above blog post should be read with, say, Don't Stop Believing or similar in the Background. Glee versions preferably. I'd hate to leave you lot after 100 days with you all still under the impression that I have good taste!)

.

Ninety Nine

This is the penultimate day! How did that happen?

Anyway, I thought, since tomorrow's limerick will probably end up being something about it being the last one, I'd do something a bit different for the ninety-ninth instead. Therefore, I sat up for half the night cutting letters out of old newspapers. As you do.

I realise that might not be readable. I couldn't read it once my eyes had gone all blurry (who knew it'd end up being true?). So what it says is:

For kidnappers - also some spies -

There's a problem you don't realise.

The notes that they leave

Offer them no reprieve.

Cutting letters out gives them cross eyes.

A lesson for us all...

.

Ninety Eight

My blog stopped working properly a couple of days ago. Within sight of the finish line of this whole thing. To be fair, whatever it was I have to give it full marks for timing - that was very impressive.

I think I've fixed it now. However, if I haven't, this limerick probably sounds pretty cocky for no good reason. I think it's OK to be cocky if I've actually won...

I won't be let down at the last,

By some malware-y thing that trespassed

On my final three days,

What a cheek! I'm amazed

That it thinks I can be thus outclassed.

.

Ninety Seven

I get quite excited by TV shows sometimes. Today is an exciting day.

I'm glad the last two months is done -

They've not been tremendously fun,

But now from the dark,

I emerge - what a lark!

House MD is back on Sky One!

.

Ninety Six

I can't remember which day it was (but I think it must have been about two months. Or so. Less than 96 days ago anyway...), but quite early on in this I did a post about shopping. I spent a long time shopping today and I still hate it.

This one's fairly rubbish, but it's late. As ever...

Shopping at least two months on,

Has got no more fun as time's gone.

In fact, I would say

It's got worse in a way

Because everyone's now a moron.

.

Ninety Five

Hmmm... A new twist on a limerick is a bit tricky. Essentially it's only words (If your mind just went to a Boyzone song there like mine did we are clearly kindred spirits and will rule the world one day...) and if you mess around with it too much it won't be a limerick because of the rhymes and stuff.

Never mind! I'm getting a bit sick of limericks anyway, so new twists here we come!




Tehy rcoekn taht plepoe can raed
At an amlsot qtiue uusal seped
Wehn the ltteers aern’t rhgit.
It’s a pterty odd shigt,
But I tnihk it mghit wrok… We argeed?





.

Ninety Four

From now on the word "scrunch" can be taken to mean rush, or "pinch" in that, "in a pinch" kind of way. Because I say so.

Oh, and there was someone sitting next to me on a train eating a Cornish pasty at around 9:00 this morning.

A Cornish pasty is only for lunch.

Or for dinner if you're in a scrunch.

But in the morning the smell

Could equate to hell,

And I might have to give you a punch.

Ninety Three

I've been watching the #100days hashtag on twitter today trying to come up with something to write about. Thre's some kind of holiday prize thingy about Cape Town using the same tag and I actually just ended up staring out of thw window imagining I was in Cape Town. As usual hough, doing nothing to actually get me to Cape Town...

Also, I wasn't eating fries. I reckon I will be soon though since I put the idea in my own head. Damn rhymes.

I'd like to win a Cape Town prize,

But sadly, I think I've surmized,

That you enter to win,

And while it would make me grin...

...I'll just sit on my bum eating fries.

.

Ninety Two

It's sunny today. That's probably pretty glaringly obvious (boom boom) but I've been sitting inside all day, and it's even making THAT more bearable. Plus, unless you want a limerick about the work I'm doing (trust me, you don't) I'm afraid the weather is basically my only choice.

There's a bright, burny thing in the sky,

And I know I should remember why.

But it's been ages since,

We saw its last glints

But it doesn't half make long days fly!

Ninety One

Having nearly finished an English and Drama degree, I haven't read anything for three years. That sounds fairly unlikely, I'll admit, and it's also untrue. But that's what it feels like. I've been reading two or three books a week for more or less the entire duration of my time at Uni and I can't remember the last time I got to choose what those books were. And if, by some miracle, I've finished my reading well in advance I will immediately put the TV on. Or go on youtube. Or watch a DVD. Basically, anything passive (because sometimes turning pages and moving your eyes can feel too much like hard work).

I've been thinking a lot about what will happen when I'm finished recently, mainly because I dont actually know what will happen. But the thing I'm dead set on is that the day I hand in my last prject, I will get off the bus outside the library, go straight in and pick up the most obviously 'chick-lit' book I can find, go over the road to the shop and buy a lot of chocolate, go home, and remind myself what it feels like to read something a bit vapid and enjoy it.

It's not that I dislike Uni, it's just that I daydream about reading something that I've chosen, and especially something a little bit shallow.

In other news, I've never used the word 'man' at the end of a sentence in 'surfer-dude' style before.





When this 'degree' thing is finally done,
I will read crappy books - at least one.
Just because I can,
And you can't stop me, man.
And that's when I'll know that I've won.




.

Ninety

90% of the way through! 90% of the way through and I finally manage to write this early on in the day rather than last minute. That right there is progress. It's mainly because I have to spend all of day 90 writing songs for my Famous Five spoof musical (it's a final assessment thing for uni - It's nowhere near as good as I'd like to think it sounds.)

I have to admit I'm not going to miss limericks. I arbitrarily chose them at the start of this as something I can do quite easily, and I don't think I saw myself properly seeing this through to the end. Anyway, nine tenths of the way through, I feel like it's time for rebellion. I'm sticking it to the (limerick loving) man. Take that, why don't you?




I've been doing this for 90 days,
And it's gone in a bit of haze.
I don't really know
Why I don't just go
A little bit rebellious and fit as many words/syllables into the last line as I possibly can AND not make it rhyme! Ha! Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.




.

Eighty Nine

I'm not in the habit of eating rodents. I promise.





A hamster would really be nice.
With some chips, potatoes or some rice.
Now I know they're not food,
But they (not being rude),
Taste a hundred times better than mice.




.

Eighty Eight

It's a bit windy today. It's also worth mentioning that I have a mild tendency towards exaggeration. So naturally, bearing those two things in mind, when a dustbin got knocked over by a stiff breeze just outside my house, I exxagerated.

Also, it's not gloomy at all. I feel I should mention that as there's quite a pleasantly warm burny thing in the sky which could be the sun but it's been so long that I've forgotte what the sun looks like. Whatever it is, it's nice and I don't want it to go away.





I can't really see through the gloom,
But I'm guessing it's safe to assume
That it's windy as hell
Cos my dustbin just fell
And I've just seen it fly past my room.




.

Eighty Seven

Apparently biting both of the ends off of a kitkat and using it as a straw to drink tea is a completely legitimate thing to do. It changed my life in ten minutes flat.




My life up til now has been poor,
And I don't know quite what I lived for.
I was in the dark
And it wasn't a lark
Til I found out about KitKat straws

Eighty Six

I've amazed myself today. That sounds a tad big headed, and I'm sorry, but I have been amazing today. I got everything on my very long 'to do' list done and then some. I've spent a lot of the day using 'I am a machine' as some kind of inspirational mantra (well, desperate times and all...) and only now, when I've finished everything, have I had time to reflect on the true and life-altering implications that would have if it were true.


It's 'cos I'm deep.




I think I might be a machine,
And I know you might take that to mean,
That I work hard. But no,
I mean what makes me go
Is just oil and hot air and steam.




.

Eighty Five

I have some work due in this week. Fortunately, what I have due in is a collection of poems and a few pages of a musical so it's pretty fun. Even so, I've been sitting around all day not knowing what to write, which feels a hell of a lot less fun. I'm getting there now but it has come at the cost of my sanity. Oh well, fortunately I'm the human embodiment of the phrase" chin up". Onwards and upwards.





I've done lots of fun things today.
Wrote some poems and part of a play.
So it's just really strange
That I'm getting deranged...
All this and it's not a Monday.



Also, because I spent a lot of time yesterday covered in pink icing and margerine and sugar and all sorts, here is my limerick video again:










.

Eighty Four

Ta Da!

Eighty Three

I wrote the following limerick on Sunday:



I really really like to bake.
It's good therapy for heartache.
It's easy and cheap,
And it may not be deep,
But afterwards, you can have cake!

Today I made a video of sorts for that limerick (Which was the messiest thing I've done in ages...) so I'm counting that as my thing for today. That, and the emotional rollercoaster that is me trying to upload a video on to any video site...

Here goes...




.

Eighty Two

We were supposed to be making videos for this weekend. Unfortunately I'm having minor technical difficulties.





I'm forced to create words like 'Bamera'
Or even weirder ones like 'Zamera'
As I need to excuse
Lack of video use.
I'm sorry! I've broken my camera.




.

Eighty One

I had my friend round my house for Dominos yesterday. We occasionally end up at one another's house watching rubbish and eating rubbish. Yesterday's visual rubbish was '16 and Pregnant' on MTV - have you SEEN it?! It's great! The eaten rubbish was, as previously mentiond, pizza. I had a bit of dissertation-induced cabin fever before we had our pizza time as I hadn't left the house in 5 days and had even managed to sustain a genuine Typing Related Injury. So naturally, when I gave myself a bit of time off, my feelings came out a bit strong.



Oh Domino's Pizza I do
Really really and truly love you.
Maybe that's bad.
My arteries are sad.
But I guess they must just muddle through.




.

Eighty

I was walking back from the shops this evening juggling some milk and some bread and the largest umberella known to man and there was a car in my way. On the path. It was some kind of posh make - I made a mental note of exactly what kind, but it wouldn't rhyme with anything so I dismissed it. Anyway, there was a car on the path. And I was in a mood. And it was raining. All of these factors together = Limerick. Damn Straight. I bet the posh car driver regrets it all now...


You do have a very nice car.
And I bet people think you're a star.
But it's just not a laugh
Parking on all the path.
Guess what? You're not some kind of Czar.




.

Seventy Nine

Double special again. I'm quite tired and I can't really be bothered to make an excuse for my laziness, so we'll just call it that. Laziness.

I've been thinking about a chocolate bar I really want all day. I even looked it up on Wikipedia to find out if it was still aorund so I wouldn't get my hopes up about having one if they didn't make it anymore. I couldn't tell. So the natural progression of chocolate research is to go from Wikipedia to Limerick. Blatently.


I wanted something for my lunch,
But I have a quite worrying hunch,
That they make it no more,
Is anyone sure?
What became of the Nestle bar, 'Crunch'?

Seventy Eight

Possibly my favourite of the 100 Days projects (If I had to pick an absolute favourite) is '100 Days of Lists From My Life' by Elise. Every day she makes a list, and I like reading them. it's just that simple.

So today I decided to make a list as it's homage week. I've been sitting at my computer for two days straight as I'm trying to get as much of my dissertation witten as possible in this week, so I decided to use the list-making to make me feel like I'd managed to get SOMETHING done. Although, looking at the list, there is probably a chance I could have been a tad more focussed.

This is everything I've achieved today

However, I'm quite excited because I can also add 'learnt how to include a link in a blog post' and 'learnt how to include a picture in a blog post'. Neither of which were things I could do before.

See?! 78 days in and I'm STILL learning.




.

Seventy Seven

I really like the '99 beginnings, 1 ending' project which Michael Sheen is doing (here: http://seldomsheen.blogspot.com/ and on twitter: http://twitter.com/SheenNotHeard ). I'm a bit lazy to be writing the beginning of a story in any kind of actual story format, so I've reverted back to the ol' limericks, and I got a random wikipedia article as the inspiration - in doing so, I think I might have also plagiarised another project, but I can't remember whose... Anyone?

Well, anyway, definitely a homage-ridden day I feel.




When Timmy woke up it was fine,
He started driving down Route 89.
With adventures in store,
He uttered a roar,
And headed of to the skyline.




.

Seventy Six

So today I'm ripping off this fine blog, in which Tim writes a 16 line poem every day (and therefore does about three times as much rhyming as me. Something like that anyway.) His are infinitely better, and all at http://twentington100.wordpress.com

There's a man who works in an office near London Bridge station and I see him sitting at his desk every day. I don't know why I speifically look for him, but I seem to have picked out a couple of people to look out for every time my train is going throuh the bit with all the offices around Tower Bridge. Anyway, I now haven't seen him around for a week and a half so I started to wonder where he'd gone. And then imagined where he might have gone in a 16-line poem format. As you do.



One day a bald man at his job
Was busy doing 'work'.
He made some tea and ate two meals -
Some things he would not shirk.

Sometime he'd also have a nap
With slippers, dressing gown.
Then somone called him 'lazy' and
It really brought him down.

It turned out that most colleagues did
Not think him good at all.
When he wasn't drooling at his desk
He'd gone out playing ball.

So he left his job that gloomy day
And glumly went to bed,
Ate takeaway and had a sleep,
Then painted the town red.


(I wanted him to be happy in the end - he seems like a nice enough bloke. Or, at least, the back of his head through the window always seems nice enough...)




.

Seventy Five

Today I'm making my 'homage' (I have to keep saying homage because I'm not always 100% sure how to spell 'plagiarise'. Well, it's iffy as to whether I'll manage each time I try...) to this blog: http://hundredhaikudays.blogspot.com/ in which Andy writes a haiku a day. (He's also on twitter - www.twitter.com/accleary100days)

I had the following one sided conversation with my friend on a train the other day. I wanted to put it in my usual limerick but I couldn't figure out how. For a start, I'd have needed the dog to be on a log or in a bog, or for there to have been some fog somewhere, and there were none of those things. So a haiku it is.





There's a dog on that
Roof. A German Shepherd dog.
On the roof. Right there.




.

Seventy Three and Seventy Four

Yesterday, I did nothing. I'm being honest because that's not a bad thing - let's just call it a homage to those who have fallen along the wayside. A homage to the 50-day people, and the 10-day people and the 2-days-and-then-I-kind-of-forgot people. No harm in that...

Today I am going to play the piano for 20 minutes. Probably after I've written this. I don't know who came up with that idea, but I keep seeing it on the site (www.hundreddays.net) on the list of what people are doing and it seems like a good idea. I'm quite a slow player (still learning!) but I'm fairly optimistic that I could get almost 2 whole songs out in that time. Damn straight.

Seventy Two

I'm quite excited about it being 'homage' week. Or just 'barefaced copying of ideas' week because that's what I'm doing. For the first time in around 70 days I haven't had to think about rhyming! Ooh it feels good.

I decided to copy Greg Wohead and write a 140 character Twitter Play. You can read his on his Twitter page at www.twitter.com/gregwohead. You probably should do because I think I need more practise, but his are brilliant!





Jamie: Those twitter plays are hard! / Taylor: Why? / Jamie: Well, I tried to write one today but I rambled and then I just ran out of chara




.

Seventy One

I went to Wembley Stadium today. I'm sorry about the third line - I thought I was being clever, but I doubt I was.

Those were the two things you need to know about this one...



Wembley Stadium's big.
With that huge 'archway' kind of rig.
90,000/one roof,
Which is more or less proof.
That that's one massively scary gig.




.

Seventy

I get a teensy bit influenced when I watch sporting montages or films involving sports, and I quickly think I can do them (I'm good at some... Cheerleading, football, swimming...) when fairly often I've never done them in my life. I had two instances of this yesterday. The first was when I went ot watch 'Invictus' - ooh it made me weep. I never cry at chick flicky films (Have you SEEN the notebook? Yawn.) but give me a film where the underdog team wins at a sport and there's some kind of crescendoing soundtrack to go along with it and I will blub. Every time.

Then I watched the superbowl. The Americans also seem to like their sporting montages.

When I watched oth of these things I became briefly convinced that I was a pro at the respective sports. I doubt I really am.

(Also, I've seen people use 'Allow' in this kind of context on Facebook. I've never tried it before myself. I hate it a little bit, but it rhymed so, hey - any port in a storm.)




I watched Invictus last night and so now,
I'm an expert in rugby somehow.
Watched the Superbowl too,
So it's also quite true.
I'm an NFL pro. Yes. Allow.




.

Sixty Nine

Over the last couple of days I've been drinking loads of Ginger Beer. I had to read the Famous Five because as one of my final uni projects I think I might be writing a kind of spoof Famous Five musical, but it must have planted a seed (a ginger seed...) because ever since, I have not been able to stop with the stuff. It doesn't help that it's probably the sugariest fizzy drink I've ever come across and it's costing a BOMB. I might have to get myself onto a recovery program. Do they have 'Non-Alcoholics Anonymous'?





It's more than a little bit queer
That I can't stop drinking ginger beer.
It's costing a lot.
A lot more than I've got.
I'm like a Famous Five member, my dear.




.

Sixty Eight

This is rubbish, I'll admit it. I have to go to work later though so I don't have much time to think of things...



If Saturday Kitchen weren't real,
I just cannot say how I'd feel.
How could I drink my tea?
Spill porridge on my knee?
Without something to sweeten the deal?

Sixty Seven

Apparently rhymes take a little turn downhill when it's the morning...



Its not very nice, but it's true.
On my arm is a big yellow bruise.
And by 'yellow' I mean,
'As a buttercup scene'.
It looks like an awful tattoo.

Sixty Six

I've been seeing stupid hats EVERYWHERE today. There's only one person I blame. And he's in NDubz. I'm not sure when The 'Dappy hat' became cool though! Mind you, I never know when things are cool til they're not anymore...


I hope someone's let Dappy know
That the 'stupid hat' trend seems to grow
When he goes on TV
With a bobble you can see
From space. But why is it so?

Sixty Five

When I was watching 'The One Show' earlier (what? It makes me laugh.) There was a man on as a guest. It turns out he was in Genesis, but they managed to get through the entire show without actually saying who he was. As far as I'm aware they didn't mention his name once. He could've been anyone for all I was aware. (Also, to be honest I know nothing about Genesis anyway so he could still be anyone as far as I'm aware...)

So today I'm using a limerick to right this wrong. Or actually just to point it out in a fairly unhelpful way.





Dear Adrian. Also, Christine.
There's a man on your show I've just seen.
Could you mention his name?
Or is this all a game,
Just to play with our minds - Now, come clean.




.

Sixty Four

So, on the Hundred Days website yesterday they mentioned someone who'd just started the whole hundred day thing. They'd sent an email of which the first words were "First step in a long journey". There was a challenge - Only a little challenge, more like a 'challengette' - to use those words to come up with something for today.

I a) Like a challenge (It's the title of the Blog and EVERYTHING...)
b) Have slightly run out of ideas so I'll take ANYTHING anyone offers,

So I thought I'd go for it. It couldn't hurt. This is me imagining I'm someone else starting this thing. I don't think limericks are a lifelong skill.




First step in a journey that's long,
And I hope I don't put a foot wrong.
Well... I'm human. I will.
But it might be thrill -
I might learn a new skill that's lifelong.




.

Sixty Three

I used to sit next to one of my friends in maths (back when I still DID maths) and he was a bit obsessed with the fact that the number 63 was the best number and you could make any number come back to 63 if you just tried hard enough. We talked about it a lot. That, and whatever films we were into at the time... I feel I should make it clear that we were both slight less than cool, and also maths was boring - we didn't wholeheartedly subscribe to number-related conspiray theories. Some of his reasoning with the 63 thing was VERY suspect, which I often pointed out, but it never seemed to make much difference.

Anyway, to this day, I can't hear the number 63 and not think back to the days of the dodgy 'magic number' theories...


*sigh*





My friend used to say sixty three,
Was as magic as numbers could be.
Any number, with skill,
Comes to that - what a thrill...
It was pretty insane, you'll agree.




.

Sixty Two

One of my friends keeps nagging me for a rude limerick. I'm not sure this is what she had in mind but it's what she's getting (Be more specific next time!).

Also the stars aren't there so much out of not wanting to offend people as out of the fact that I'm not sure those words fit properly. But this way, I say they do and you have no choice but to believe me. Ha!




To think limericks must be rude
Is really just bad atitude
F***, S***, W**** D***,
C***, C***-S****** P****
See? Without stars that would just be crude.




.

Sixty One

I've been watching 'Heroes' tonight. I stopped watching it becaues it got rubbish but apparently it's gone back to being good and no one told me....

That's pretty irrelevant really, but any time I watch/read things about people with diffreent kinds of powers I start thinking about what ones I'd like to have. I never get far.



I'd like time to get everything done
Or invisibility, or a really fast run.
To be able to fly,
Or to learn things first try...
...Or the power to pick only one!

Sixty

I was watching Question Time last night. That, for a start is one thing I never do because I hate it - It just seems like a televised group of bickering people. However, for whatever reason, I was watching it last night and the best thing, probably EVER, happened.

There was a man a few seats down from some woman who was asking a question and, as he went to adjust his glasses, he managed to knock them off of his own face and onto the floor. Then he fidgeted around a lot trying to pick them up, realised it was pretty hopeless, and then remembered that there was a camera on him and pulled an 'oops' face.

There haven't been many times in my life when I laughed THAT much. Did anyone else see it? I hope I haven't just gone mad. But this limerick is for him!




On Qustion Time yesterday eve,
A man knocked his glasses with his sleeve.
They fell on the floor,
It made him feel sore,
Since the damn things he couldn't retrieve.




.

Fifty Nine

I know it's supposed to be love week. Sadly someone on the tube this morning (I'd say she was about 15. She had a massive fur hat, a spongebob squarepants bag, a pink iphone and a very boring but loud conversation.) severely ticked me off.

So this limerick may be quite the opposite of 'love', but I did love writing it. ince she was right there when I did...




To the girl in the stupid fur hat:
Spongebob is not where it's at,
and iphones aren't cool
when you look like a fool,
And you're boring us all with your chat.





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Fifty Eight

I'll be honest. I'm knackered. I have been all day and I'm probably going to bed fairly soon which, considering it's 8:30 as I write this, may seem slightly pathetic. However, it's forced me to come up with a way of being lazy and still incorporating Love Week into this thing.

So, this is the only limerick (aside from one concerning a certain woman from Ealing that I think we've all heard...) that I've ever remembered. It's not by me but someone told me it a couple of years ago and I can still remember it. I think I could almost argue that I love it.

So, for love week. A limerick I love. (Although I have no idea who came up with it...)


There once was a man from Peru
Whose limerick stopped at line two.




(It's a lot more impressive to think that I remembered it if we ignore the fact that it's two lines long...)

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Fifty Seven

I'm still trying to do Love Week. I made a list of all the things I've said I love today. Just today. I'm always saying I love things, but I never pay attention to what I'm actually saying it about. Looking it over again, I suspect I may be giving it away too easily...





Lemon squash, and mini post-it notes,
My walkman, my shoes, Hamlet quotes.
Some vegetable soup,
A weird facebook group,
Cabaret, dusk, porridge oats.




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Fifty Six

Not sure what this is. I assume that if you write a love poem in limerick form you'd have a higher than average chance of getting knocked back so hey, why not write one assuming that's what's going to happen?




Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
No? Bloody fine. Go away?!
Look I know this is not
Quite hitting the spot
But I love you. Just wanted to say.




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Fifty Five

So I don't check the website for a couple of days and all of a sudden it's Love Week. Hmm... There's not many words to rhyme with that. the thinking cap'll have to g on before tomorrow!




I think it's quite lucky that 'love'
Ryhmes with something romantic like 'dove'.
But there's just one more rhyme,
But it's never the right time
To pair things like romance with 'glove'.





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Fifty Three and Fifty Four

Unfortunately the socket in the only part of the house where I can get internet signal came a ropper yesterday after somebody (naming no names!) dropped the lid of a shredder onto it. No, I don't know how either...

So anyway, while I am doing quite well with keeping up with this 100days shindig, I was NOT about to risk electrocution for it, so this is the limerick for yseterday:


A shredder's a dangerous thing
But in a way I find quite surprising.
Drop the lid if you dare,
But you better beware.
A fight with a socket? It'll win.



Continuing with the theme of death, today we decided to finally do something about the mice that have been living in our roof. They've been there for ages - we could hear them running around - but we hadn't done anything before now, so we tok all of the lightbulbs out of the ceiling and put poison up there (I say 'we' - wasn't much help. I was too busy backing away into a corner clutching a torch and intending to hit them if by some miracle they came out of the ceiling and ran at me... I don't like mice much...). I'm guessing we'll deal with the aftermath later (there goes that 'we' again...)

Trust me, if you'd been sitting there listening to the bastards running around having more fun that you for the past few months, you'd like this limerick. Otherwise, possibly not so much...



The mice in our roof must have bred.
Goodness knows how they've kept themselves fed!
They have fun, we can tell,
And that's all very well,
But quite soon they will all just be dead.




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Fifty Two

So, as I mentioned when I wrote my double limerick two days ago, I went to the NTAs last night. (I can't actually make that sound un-show-off-y, but we were in the proper arena bit with the rest of the peasants if that helps...). The whole thing had a dress code, and whenever that's the case, I always seem to end my nights in a consistently classy style.




I can't help but feel I'm a debtor
To whoever made posh nights out better.
Just add a kebab,
When you're dressed up all fab!
I'll write them a long thank you letter.





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FIFTY!

I'm off to the National TV Awards tomorrow. Not in a posh way, just in a 'I bought a ticket since it's at the O2 so basically I'll just sit at the back trying to see over a couple of thousand other people's heads' kind of way. Or, for short, 'the good way'. The way that probably involves a strong element of MacDonalds.

Anyway, that does mean I won't have time for limericks tomorrow so I've done another double one. This time I tried to make the two link. There's not really a better way of putting it than pointing out that I started another one mid-sentence. I'm not actually sure if that's allowed or not, but it's too late now! I might just be blowing the limerick world apart here...





Doubles are doubly hard -
I admit that I'm hardly the bard.
Though I daresay that he
Wasn't limericky
Cos then we wouldn't have high regard,

For the plays and the sonnets he wrote
Which we use when we'd like to emote,
When we want to sound smart -
Like we know about art.
Quote, "all's well that ends well", unquote.





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Forty Nine

I have half a ton of reading to do today. Unfortunately that means that I've had two cups of coffee, and since I seem to be ridiculously influenced by caffeine, I'm now pretty wired.

The coffee is making me twitch.
(It may also have made me a bitch)
I had stuff to read,
But now I just need
To run round a large football pitch...




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Forty Eight

I forgot to do one of these yesterday. Actually, that's a lie - I did think of doing one but it was as I was in the process of falling asleep in fron of the telly after work and there are some things in life that are just more important that limericks.

So this a special 'double bill' of limericks. And I think that should probably be 'special' in the bad way...




No limerick for yesterday,
As my laziness held me in sway,
So I left it too late,
For yesterday's date,
So I'll do two right now if I may.

However the problem is this -
It's something I think is amiss -
If today I don't think,
Of some words that'll link,
It'll make me look twice as remiss.

Forty Six

QI starts in 5 minutes. 'Nuff said.




Some people may just wonder why
I'm rushing to watch Stephen Fry.
My priorities might,
Not always seem right,
But there's also the chance of some pie!





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Forty Five

I'm not sure this makes sense. Then again, I got up at 6am today so to be honest, I probably don't make much sense anyway.

I fell in love this morning. It was with a Burger King bacon, egg and cheese butty. How I have never had one before is beyond me, but now this serious oversight has been corrected I look forward to my impending obesity. oh yes.




A Burger king sausage, and cheese,
And egg butty is all that one needs -
London bridge at half eight
Is so far from great,
That salvation is only in these.




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Forty Four

I don't mind musicals. In fact I quite like them. I really like some of them. In fact, I'll go so far as to say I love some of them. Not Gilbert and Sullivan though. Yawn.




Dear Gilbert. And Sullivan Too.
Your shows are a pile of poo.
I like musical shows
And I'll pay through the nose
To see them - but not ones by you.




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Forty Three

Like pretty much everbody I know, I watched 'Glee' yesterday. It was SO GOOD I could get past the fact that I wanted to punch every single one of the actors playing the kids from the glee club in the face quite hard. That's because I like the songs and especially because of all the bits with the cheer coach and the cheerleaders. We've all been there. Well, maybe we haven't all been there, but I definitely have. And it's funny! Now they just need to lose all of the kids and show more of the teachers and it'd be brilliant!





Where has 'Glee' been before now?
Yes OK, it's not that highbrow.
But the 'High school' thing means
There's GREAT cheer routines
And the songs are great too. So, just, wow.





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Forty Two

I was supposed to be going to America this summer for about 12 weeks. It was one of these 'work in a summer camp and travel afterwards' dealies which was great and all in theory but everyone working there was almost completely incompetent. Except, ironically, for the woman who is helping me to cancel my application - she's very efficient...

The main reason I wanted to go was to visit various friends who came to do study abroad terms at Goldsmiths and were in my classes/ societies/ halls. It was going to be a grand tour of people's floors and sofas via a few things that I'd randomly decided I'd like to hav seen along the way.

But now it's not happening because of some ridiculously unorganised people which, considering I was really looking forward to it, is a bit rubbish.




I wanted to visit my friends
But the fuss and the faff never ends.
Plus I wouldn't be good,
Trapped with kids in a wood.
I'll just go when my bank account mends.




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Forty One

I have genuinely got no ideas left. So today I went on Wikihow and did my 'random article' thing and came up with "How to get to Varrock sewers in Runescape". I may have to stop using wikihow... I've never played runescape. I'd never heard of it until about 15 minutes ago. It sounds awfully complicated. Still, while I wouldn't recommend using this as actual instruction if you are into Runescape, I think I got the jist in.


If anyone has ANY ideas of things I could do for limericks, please let me know!



First, teleport self to Varrock.
(While ignoring all those who might mock.)
Down the castle's right side,
Open manhole up wide.
But beware - monsters might give you a shock.




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Forty

I couldn't think of anything to write about today so I asked one of my friends. She was not overly helpful.




Sometimes I find words for the end
Before to the real lines I tend.
But when I can't be arsed
Then I write pretty fast
And ask for ideas from my friends.




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Thirty Nine

I've been rying to work on my dissertation for the last couple of days. However I have been severely hampered by the uselessness of a website which is designed for students to be able to access articles and journal entries and so on. It constantly logs me out and then tells me that I'm not allowed to log in. Even though I was logged in ten seconds ago. It's rubbish.




Oh Jstor, I hate you, it's true.
I can't do what I want to do.
When you log me straight out,
All that I do is pout,
As my access to texts is through you.




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Thirty Eight

I couldn't find the keys to my shed this morning to get my sledge out. I tried hundreds of different ones and none of hem worked so eventualy I just broke in. I'm slightly concerned about the effects this might have had on me because it was a lot of fun and I keep finding myself looking at other things and wondering if I could break in to them. Actually, maybe it shouldn't be concerning me as much as it should be concerning the general public...




People seem to think crime doesn't pay,
But I proved them all wrong just today.
I broke into my shed,
To rescue my sled,
Which has sent all my morals away.




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Thirty Seven

Some may say I didn't put a huge amount of effort into this limerick. Tsk. how dare they? I just got the word 'Bo' into a limerick. I can cross that off the list of life aims I didn't even know I had.

Also, it's snowing. Not sure anyone's mentioned that yet...




snow snow snow snow snow snow snow woah
snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow
snow snow snow snow snoo
snow snow snow snow woo!
snow snow snow snow snow snow snow. Bo!




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Thirty Six

I have a very dodgy internet signal right now so suffice it to say that I wrote this limerick while seeing 'Did you hear about the Morgans?' It's OK. Very OK. Aren't all films with Hugh Grant.



The Morgans should stay where they are.
I hope they don't go very far.
Since one looks like a horse,
And the other, of course,
Is just gosh, golly, jolly sub-par.

Thirty Five

I got an ipod today. It's my first one. I admit I'm slightly behind the times, but for years I decided I didn't want to be giving all of money over to Apple. Now I'm not overly bothered and all I want is a massive memory, hence the ipod.

I love it because it's shiny. That's about it right now because I'm having a nightmare in the form of Itunes. Maybe it's just me but it all seems very complicated...

Anyway, this limerick doesn't make much sense but to be honest I have bigger Itunes-shaped fish to be frying right now. Also I should say, I don't actually regret buying the sucker - It's more that I regret being such a luddite until now...





I'm not sure I'm fully equipped
Since a hole in my wallet I ripped
When I bought my ipod
And... just... Oh my god
I think I'd rather I'd kept it zipped.




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Thirty Four

I'm pretty sure that everyone must have seen the Evian adverts by now. The ones with the roller skating babies. If you haven't, they're all on youtube but I'm way too much of a dunce to be able to post a link on here...

I'm not sure it makes me want to drink water any more than I do now, and it definitely doesn't make me want to spend money on something I could just get out of a tap, but it does make me want a roller skating baby. I think I could learn a lot from one.




If that Evian advert's not true
And babies don't skate in a crew
I won't be impressed
Since I'm slightly obsessed
With the tricks mine could teach me to do.




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Thirty Three

I bought some shoes the other day. They're red and sparkly. They look like the lovechildren of the ruby slippers from The Wizard of Oz and a pair of plimsolls. In good way (can there BE a bad way?). Anyway, I'm obsessed with them. Over the past few days I've been dividing my time between wearing them and just looking at them. Today's limerick addresses this all too serious issue.




It's good when it feels like a treat
To look down and catch sight of your feet.
With sparkly shoes
One never can lose,
Since glitter will trump all defeat.




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Thirty Two

Happy New Year!

I'm a little bit freaked out by 2010 because it seems like it'll be a pretty big year for me. As such, I'm choosing to not even contemplate the whole 'New Decade' thing. I have to stop dicking around at university this year and go and do something proper, which would be less scary if I had any idea what that was going to be. At the same time I don't think it's a bad kind of scary. If anything I'm quite loking forward to seeing where I end up. I think it's a lot more fun this way than the people who set their minds on careers years ago and are just going to go and do them in May with no straying from the plan. Then again, if I wasn't thinking like that I'd be terrified by now. Optimism wins again!

I think this limerick sounds a bit negative now I've read it over, but it definitely makes me sound more scared than I am. I'm excited, I promise.

And as if making myself a better person in 100 days wasn't enough, I also have a New Years resolution. I'm going to stop saluting magpies. I'm not a superstitious person but I always do that and I would like to not always do that. I actually failed within about 3 hours of getting up but there was no-one around and it's not like I'd do anything stupid and mention it on the internet!





2010 plus side order of fear
Is how I am viewing this year.
There's a lot I don't know
About how things might go,
And where I'll end up isn't clear.




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